u/Accurate-Pay-7006

Me and my bf got together in december of 2023. he met my family in the same month and has been pretty involved since. I am very happy and things have been pretty great. The thing is, sometimes we fight and we do have minor issues. I have PTSD from past abusive relationships and when flashbacks happen i can become extremely aggressive and then apologetic right after. We can both be impatient sometimes (not most of the time), and he has problems with defensiveness. overall we get along, he treats me well, he is very sweet and funny, and gets me nice gifts.

The other day we were all at my parents house celebrating my mom and sister's birthdays (they're in the same weekend) and me and my bf and mom were outside. they were both complaining about how i don't charge my phone and he called me a dumbass and may have took the joking too far, but for us that's not really a boundary, at least til now. I didn't take the situation as disrespectful, but my mom did. she called me the next day basically asking if i was safe in my relationship. she also accused him of rolling his eyes at my sister. (he would never intentionally do this. with how receptive he was to everything, he vehemently denied this and i did not see it either. however, since that's what was perceived, he has been nonetheless apologetic) She told me all this and i got really upset and was crying and freaking out on her, I hung up and called my boyfriend and told him everything. He took a second and apologized and said he felt really bad for putting on that impression to my parents and that he wanted to talk to them and apologize- he did. then my mom kept calling me saying he needed to talk to my sister. i told him abt it and he texted her an apology and she said she wanted to call him and for all of us to talk later tn when she gets off.

I do feel like she could have separate things to say abt hearing our arguments since me and her live together and she likely has overheard some. Im not sure. I know im not worried about how he will handle it. Personally i just feel like they went about this in the most triggering way possible to me, knowing i've been in actual abusive situations before and have PTSD.

Their worries don't reflect how I feel at all. It is extremely difficult regardless because i've been in situations that warped my ability to fully trust my judgement and although i believe i have the capability now to make good decisions for myself, part of my trauma is that that doubt creeps in, and this situation has not helped.

My family is unfortunately the type that thinks i can do no wrong, and that is not ideal in this situation, because they think if they see conflict in my relationship, it's all my boyfriend. In reality, even tho we both lose our tempers, we have very respectful and fair ways of communicating why we got upset and who was at fault and both of us are always able to admit we were wrong at least within the hour.

I just don't know what to do about this situation and how to act when I have this talk with my sister. I know my bf is just going to take everything that she says to heart and apologize, but if she implies that he is harming me or controlling or abusive in anyway i don't know if ill be able to handle it. Do i have a right to be upset? how the fuck do i begin to even navigate this at all?

Tl;dr: my family is staging something of an informal intervention about my bfs behavior (took a joke too far by lovingly calling me a dumbass about not charging my phone, also i guess he accidentally rolled his eyes at my sister) and our relationship but i don't think it is that serious/called for and don't know what to do.