Hi everyone!
To start I’m 23F in southern PA. I started a job at a small family brewery about 1.5 months ago. (I know
this is server life sub, but hopefully posting as host is allowed. I’ve served for two+ years in the past)
I host mainly and food run occasionally. I got into a fight at the host stand with a server yesterday (a busy Saturday) and it’s really still effecting me. I’m worried about going back and moving forward.
I had a really really hard year and fought so hard to get a good job, I don’t have room for this stress!
I get along with pretty much everyone, but there are two women I and nobody else really get along with. Only one is in this story today, let’s call her A.
For context:
A is typically condescending, not very personable, very fake-nice and not helpful. She has consistently yelled at our very hard working kitchen staff and made multiple servers or hostesses cry/quit. The manager had to have a meeting with her about it but i guess that didn’t stick.
She has snatched things out of my hand.
She bosses me around, with no consideration for what I am already doing. Whatever she says is deemed the most important task to her.
She does not say please or thank you.
We don’t have a system for the host. No iPad or anything just paper and dry erase marker.
I am still working on letting everyone know when they got sat. This restaurant seems to be specifically reliant on hosts for letting them know that. They see to want it almost every single time they’re sat, it’s incredibly frustrating. My manager told me i do need to get better at that, and I’m trying.
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Okay so I will try to make this as short as possible:) lmk any questions.
I was working up front around 4pm. That is shift change, so the sections get updated. Usually my manger does that, but he left that responsibility to me for the first time. I do not fully know yet, how it’s split or if there’s a way, because they edit it ALL the time. So I split it down the middle, just gauging with my eyes about how many people each section had (we had two servers on, A and E) A had mostly outdoor 4 tops and indoor 4 tops with 3 6 tops and multiple booths. E had 3 6 tops, 3 4 tops and just about the same outside seating. I’ve never had an issue with this.
I was a server, so I know you just really want it to be equal. I walked up to E and asked her if that’s okay, and to go over it. She did, did a little count, and thumbed up me. I said the same to A. She didn’t look at me, an said no, so I walked away. About an hour goes by. A comes up to the front and looks at the map. My heart starts racing literally just standing around her. She sternly and very rudely goes
‘wait. Why does she have all these and I have none? That’s not fair.’ I said ‘oh I’m sorry it’s not personal, that’s just how I did it, you can take that table and I’ll fix it for you’ and she walked away. CAME BACK. starts pointing at it. Touching it, leaning on the stand, trying to win me over. ‘I wasn’t tryin to be offended or say it’s personal. I know it’s not personal. This is just how we always do it. And redid it. Oops sorry I erased your line ! Didn’t mean to! ‘🤪
I was silent. Heart was racing, so confused and scared of her. She realized that wasn’t working so she switched to rudeness. ‘I feel like I tell you things and you ignore me.’ And I looked at her and said ‘that’s not true you’ve been very unkind to me. you’ve snatched things, snubbed me, didn’t introduce yourself, don’t help me’ she interrupted. ‘I don’t help YOU?!’ ‘ at this point she’s eyes widened yelling at me.
‘I tell you when there’s people up front all the time!!!!!’ I said yes ‘exactly. I dont need you to do that, I am always already taking care of them or getting to them.’ ‘No YOURE NOT’ I said ‘how would you know that if you never speak to me or communicate?’ Keep in mind her tone this entire time is very flat, rude, and loud.
She was stunned and idk what she was saying, but she got louder and keep in mind this is all at the host stand. I put my hand up, not close to her and interrupted, saying I’m not doing this and she needs to take it somewhere else. She walked away.
I went out back and cried. A few people tell me to just accept it and talk to her. Bullshit lol. A 30 year old woman shouldn’t need to have a ‘stern talking to’ from her bosses about being a bully, that is not my responsibility to teach her how to be kind or to understand this behavior. It’s unacceptable to me.
She tried to be fake nice the rest of the day and even put her hand on my shoulder. I literally almost exploded.
So after that long story, my question is, how do I truly respond to these moments in a way that’s professional yet still true to myself? All of my managers are conservative men, they don’t care for or understand this and I don’t have the energy. I don’t get paid enough for this lol. I just want to go in an out and get my shit done. What are some ways you or someone you know has handled it? How do I let go of it after work? Please help a girl out lol. It’s easy to laugh and let it go when you’re not dealing with angry customers and physical work all day, but adding this to that is just a recipe for insane stress.
Thanks for reading if you did. ❤️