I feel sad. I feel mad. I feel regret. I hold anger to the person I am with because of the situation they put me in. I will always hold love for my partner but it hurts that I had to ultimately made the decision on my own. That I felt like I was the only one seriously thinking of everything. Most of all I hate that I had to sit on the toilet alone that night, bathe myself three different times because of all the blood, and worst of all flush it all away. To think that all he did that night was sleep. Sleep while I experienced so much pain physically and mentally.
I do not regret what I did that night. I will always stand by a woman’s right to make her own decision. But if there’s one think I would suggest to all of these beautiful, strong and powerful women. I would tell you to not hold this all by yourself. Please talk to someone. Have someone there if you can. Reach out if you don’t have anyone. I can’t explain how badly I wish I would have had someone there with me.
There’s much more to this story but, I need to learn to embrace myself and give myself the peace to forgive myself yet still allow myself to feel these emotions rather than lock them away.