Posting this from a burner account since my husband uses Reddit. I’ll try to keep this short, though there’s so much I could say…
My husband and I have had issues for what feels like an eternity, and I’m starting to realize things aren’t going to change.
A couple of years ago, I found his other Reddit account and discovered he had posted nudes online. I’ve also found text messages between him and coworkers and family members where he labels me as an abuser. He struggles with depression and is fortunate enough to have insurance, but he doesn’t prioritize therapy or take his medication consistently.
Recently, he got a DWI, lost his car, and has been short on rent for the past three months. It’s always something. He continues to play the victim, and over time it’s only gotten worse.. he lashes out at me and shuts me out, saying I’m constantly nagging him.
He won’t let me see his phone. He doesn’t pay for dates or contribute to things around the house anymore. His routine is basically work, smoke weed, sleep, and repeat. Sure, there are occasional days where he walks the dogs, cleans up, or makes dinner, but it’s not consistent and I find myself resenting even that because I’m doing everything else. I work full-time, tidy up before work, restock the house, and cover whatever he’s short on financially.
He doesn’t have a car payment or car insurance just $860 for rent and $300 for my health insurance through his job. I don’t know where the rest of his money goes.
I’ve asked him to move out and even reached out to his family, but they’ve distanced themselves from him. I’ve told him I would cover his portion if he moved out so there wouldn’t be any consequences for him, but he refuses to leave.
During arguments, he’s punched doors and walls and broken things before. He has even accused me of only using him for a green card, even though we’ve been together for 11 years, and he didn’t contribute financially to that process he just had to show up, and even that wasn’t easy. He has truly isolated himself from his family and friends so doesn’t have anyone to go to. His depression is ruining his life and our marriage. At this point, I don’t know what to do. Do I pack up and leave? How do I even start?