Moving in together
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, he shares custody 50-50 to his daughter who recently turned 7. I met her when we had been dating for 4 months and we get along really well, she always wants to hang out so that I’m also there, I think she misses a sense of a female/mom on days when she’s with my boyfriend although they do great together too.
At first I was even taken aback a little how fast she wanted to cuddle up with me in the morning or hold my hand, ask a hundred questions, draw me pictures etc. She’s very sweet and a very smart kid and I like her a lot and we get along great. I realise that once we get more into the everyday life, it’ll be fights too etc. So far we spend a couple of nights a week all 3 together and we’ve also been on a trip which was ca 18 days living in the same hotel room. It was a little overwhelming for me but we managed fine with no big fights. My boyfriend is great and a responsible parent. The only thing has been that as his daughter needs a lot of attention, so he’s just sometimes better at saying “hey go do your own thing for a while” than I am, so her attention is now more directed at me now: can we do this, that, come see my drawing, can we go out, let’s make pancakes etc, I’m still learning where to draw the line from not entertaining her all day. He plays and does stuff as well but he’s better at pushing back when it’s too much, which is natural as it’s his kid. I’m not yet, I kind of go into babysitting mode. Fortunately she’s fun to hang out with, although I’m really exhausted by the end of the day.
We’re discussing moving in together within the next 4 months or so. So my question after this long post is, what are the things we should settle before we move in together, so it doesn’t get too overwhelming.
A few things I’ve thought of have been:
- bedroom being adult room (not prohibited but also not for play or for going through closets etc)
- when door is closed, people want to be on their own and should be knocking if needed.
- sharing household duties so that the kid also helps even if it’s symbolic small things.
- BM and their family photos only in kids room (not sure if that’s crazy to ask, but that would help me. we are all on good terms though).
- discussing schedule changes with me before agreeing
- keeping our own date nights regularly, so we know our own relationship cup is filled
What else would be good to talk through or agree on before moving in together? I appreciate you all, this place has already helped me a lot as it really is a unique perspective and harder for others to understand all the nuances.