(I used AI to write this bc english is not my first language so I had it fixed grammatically sorry)
We are both in our 20s, and we’ve been together for about a year and a half. Things moved very fast at the start, and we ended up moving in together quite early. But during a brief month of long distance, she kissed someone else. It shattered my trust, and we almost ended it right then.
I chose to stay, partly because this is my first real relationship. I’ve always had a very hard time falling for people. Usually, I just pull away or ghost people before things get serious, so because I felt I truly loved her, I wanted to fight for it.
The confusing part is that since that happened, she has done everything right. She’s grown, she’s been supportive, and she’s showing up as the best version of herself. But even though she’s doing her part, my body seems to be rejecting the relationship.
tl;dr Since the cheating happened, I have been physically sick every single day. I throw up every since day and I feel sick. I lost 10kg from the stress, and my doctors say there’s nothing wrong with me physically and that it’s all internal pressure. I’ve also noticed I’m struggling with intimacy and a lot of body dysmorphia.
I feel this constant, desperate need to look 'perfect' to keep her interest, especially because she’s well known and has a past that I’m still having a hard time moving past.
I tell myself I love her, but I’m living in a constant state of physical rejection. I don't know how to reconcile the love I feel in my head with the way my body is reacting to her presence.
Am i going insane? Like do I need to break things off?