I always want to be alone. I find it irritating when he doesn’t notice (imo) seemingly obvious things.
I get tense and angry when he is in the same room as me because that limits my ability to do weird ED behaviors. I never want to be intimate because I don’t like how I look, or how I think I look. I feel like I’m being judged by everyone.
A big part of me worries that I ruined this man’s life by marrying him. He’s very sensitive, and I have a horrible tone and hunger mood swings. I don’t realize how I sound until it’s too late. I feel distant from him and our connection because food occupies so much of my thoughts in some shape or form.
We’re mid-move into our new apartment this weekend. I had significant dental work and my teeth are constantly throbbing. I’m not sure how much is impacted by stress, but it has been tense.
Almost every day this week, I wanted to crawl into a hole so I could just exist as myself and just go away. Kind of a bummer.