how do i talk to people?
okay so i looked at the flags and this is like a combo vent and support needed so why advice and support would be greatly appreciated. im(make 17) so incredibly depressed and i want nothing more than to talk to someone about it but i just can't. most of all i want to tell my girlfriend (16f but same grade) my struggles and im so scared ill push her away. i keep waiting for the right moment and i really want to say something but something always happens makes me change my mind like I'm running late or whatever. the worst part is that i pretty much only get to see her in class or when I'm taking her to and fro from school and i didn't wanna talk about it in the car. im scared that she is pushing away from me since emotionally i think I'm the woman in the relationship but also sometimes it doesn't seem like she is pushing away. it's always when i feel my worst that she notices and comes near me or says something and it makes me feel good that she notices but then for some reason i say I'm fine and i feel terrible again. anyway my parents are just the wrong person to talk to and i don't wanna ask for them to get me a therapist because then they'll treat me like I'm suicidal when I'm not. i love my work and i have lots of friends and a girlfriend who i want to marry but i still feel alone. I've lost all motivation in school to do well and i just use you know what to do all my work and i come home and try to play some video games but they aren't fun anymore. ill workout, read a book, try to hangout with my family but it all feels pointless and i feel hollow, like I'm just watching instead of actually doing something. then I'll have like a week or two when i feel funny and dandy but then i get depressed again. this is getting too long and i have too much to talk about for one post but i feel like im overthinking everything but then what if I'm not but then i overthink that and uggghhhh. if anyone has experience with a similar situation i would love some help