u/Accomplished_User7

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My childhood definitely fucked me up. Every single time we cuddle i want to do stuff. (I dont initiate so nothing happens but i think about it. And i cant stop sometimes.)

My brain just associates cuddling with sexual stuff. I think because alot of the caocsa happened at night when I was at sleepovers with my friends. (It happened to me so I also struggle initiating now as an adult.)

Its been another month with nothing sexual and i rubbed it with my arm when I was fixing the blanket. it was intentional, i just wanted to feel it but I was also fixing the blanket.

He called me out on it, I was so embarrassed.

He goes "what? Are you trying to rub my dick?" I was just like "no im fixing the blanket."

It was so awkward.

I felt like i was touching him when he didnt want me to. Like a predator.

He never touches me sexually ever, I can recall one time he rubbed me when he spilt a drink on my lap.

Other than that he doesnt bother touching me and I dont touch him like that intentionally unless he initiates first.

He cut off communication over a petty argument we had. About him always canceling last minute.

I never see my dad and barely hear from him other than on holidays/birthday i get a text/sometimes he'd stop by.

But this one time he planned to see me at his moms I got dressed, me and my bf took off work used up the last of our gas and drove almost all the way there 45mins, just for him to cancel last minute. I was more than irritated (hes done this my whole life as a little girl) i told him it was rude through text. He didnt like that called me hours later yelling at me.

i tried to explain but he told me he didnt have to listen to me. He called me to talk ? But then says he doesnt need to listen to me.? Seemed to me like he called me to yell at me while i just sit and listen. He got loud, i wasnt going to get screamed at so I hung up.

He didn't call back, no text nothing. Weeks go by Thanksgiving rolled around and my dad made the choice to cut my service off. (i lost the number i had sense i was 10 and sentimental voicemails ). But my bf got me a new phone plan. Which is great sure. But now my dad has no way of contacting me or anyone else on that side. That's how he wanted it I guess.

He made the choice to just cut our only way of communicating off. He has no way of contacting me and i moved. Why doesnt my own father want to be involved in my life.

Yes i have his number...i could call it but I dont want to. I dont feel like thats my responsibility. he knew what he was doing when he did it. why should i reach out to someone who clearly doesnt want to be involved with my life or care about me.

I want my dad to want to be apart of my life.

I want him to put forth the effort. I wont be the one reaching out. Its not up to me i didnt make the choice to cut him out.

he will always be in the wrong for canceling on the plans he made 6 minutes prior to the time of meeting. That was rude plain and simple. Me calling him out ruined our entire relationship. life is so short already I dont understand why he did that. I just wanted to see my dad.