I met my girlfriend over a year ago at a competition. We only spent a few days together in person before starting a long-distance relationship. At first, it was great; she was super present, clingy, and always chased my attention. I did my best to fulfill her needs even when I was busy with school applications.
Things changed when she went to college 9 months ago. She has a roommate now and says she feels uncomfortable calling because someone is listening. I’ve struggled with my mental health lately and needed emotional support, but when I try to talk to her, she gets annoyed. She once even yelled at me, saying I "bother" her with my problems and call at bad times, yet she calls me whenever she’s upset, regardless of if I’m sleeping, and I never complain.
She’s also become very close/clingy with two male friends at school (I am sure that nothing is going on amoung them). She told me she hates the distance and hates calling, and I’m starting to feel like she’s using these guys to "roleplay" having a boyfriend nearby since I’m not there.
Recently, we almost broke up. During the fight, I asked if she loved me and she said "no." Then, 10 minutes later, she called back crying, saying she didn't mean it and skipped her class project just to talk to me. She explained to me that she doesn't feel excited about our relationship but still loves me and said that I am really important to her.
I love her so much and I want to believe her when she says she loves me, but I feel drained. I’m visiting her in a month for the first time in a year, but I feel like she doesn't care about my feelings anymore and just judges me for my past when we argue (I feel like being judged based on my past, and needing to explain why I have the rights to feel something).
Just to finish, I do think that she loves me, I can feel it, but she treats me bad most of the time until things really go bad.
I just wanted to vent out.
TL;DR: My LDR girlfriend used to be the clingy one, but since starting college, she’s become avoidant and yells at me for needing support. I visit in a month (that day that we argued she said that everything will be okay after we meet), how do I make sense of this?
PS: I am deleting this post soon, I don't want to leave footprints