u/Accomplished_Pop8288

My husband (30M) and I (31F) have always been pretty porn positive, in fact for the first half of our marriage I would say I was more porn positive than my husband. I've always watched hentai because I like the visuals better. My husband has always preferred the usual live action ameture stuff.

Lately we started watching porn together as a way to spice things up. We've been exclusively watching live action porn. I admit that I struggle with my self confidence and there are times when we're watching porn that I get twinges of "I bet he'd rather be fucking her than me." Tonight we were sitting on the couch together and he was starting to get hard, so I started rubbing him and thinking we were gonna have sex. He went to take his underwear off and then began to rub himself instead while pulling up porn on his phone. I sat there for a bit thinking it would lead to something, but eventually I realized he was just gonna get himself off instead of engaging with me, so I left to go do dishes.

This was only a one time thing and it was rather late, so it's entirely possible he just thought I wasn't interested. I've just been feeling weird about the porn lately. He's been so excited for us to watch porn together and share our interests and I don't want to take that excitment away from him (especially since I've struggled with low libido several times over our marriage). It just felt weird to be with my husband and have him seem more interested in these online women than me. And these uncomfortable feelings around it seem to come more frequently lately.

My husband (30M) and I (31F) have been married for just shy of 9 years. Over the course of our relationship my sex drive and general interest in sex has increasingly declined. I've worked hard to try and get better about it as my husband has brought up multiple times over the course of our marriage that my lack of interest in sex upsets him. I've been in therapy for our entire relationship, tried meds & suppliments, vaginal creams, and also just faked interest at times for the betterment of the marriage. I have PCOS so I know there's a hormonal component in the declining sex drive, but sadly I can't take medication for it as a prior birth conrol pill sent me into acute liver failure about 5 years back. I've also lost weight in hopes that would help.

The severity of my interest in sex wavers, sometimes (like now) it's pretty good, but there have been times that my interest in it was so low that my husband admitted he had just accepted we would be in a sexless marriage. Right now things are OK, I'm on new meds and life is good, so that has helped in improving my sex drive, but I can tell my husband would still like more. Despite feeling like things were going really well my husband recently told me that I didn't seem "into it" enough (i.e. not vocalizing enough or moving my hips with him enough). I felt a bit down after that, but I've really been trying to seem more enthusiastic and he seems happy now.

Right now we've recently gotten into watching porn together. He's been really into it and said lately that it's been really exciting for us to be this open about sexual interests together. But honestly I just feel weird and kind of overwhelmed. I acknowledge that there's definitely self consciousness on my end about the porn part. I have no qualms with porn in general, but it just feels weird to see how much more attractive the women he likes are than me.

I guess I just don't know what to do. It seems like the more I'm finally able to give the more my husband wants, but I'm already pushing my limit of what I feel like I can bring myself to enjoy. I don't want sex to feel like a chore, but I also don't want to let him down when he finally seems to be satisfied with our sex life.

END NOTE: I also want to be clear that my husband and I have a very happy and loving relationship. He is an incredibly giving lover and has worked so hard to help me through this. He always makes sure I cum first, thinks up all sorts of ways to get me turned on, and always respects boundaries. He's really a dream lover in bed, my main concern is just that I'm not able to match his drive and ideal.