Struggling to cope
My avoidant broke up with me three weeks ago today. It was a very emotional break up where he said he was scared he was hurting me with his withdrawal patterns every time there was a hint of conflict or he was emotionally overwhelmed.
We continued some contact, he continued to say he loves and misses me and agreed to talk about us. Two weeks in we sat down and had a conversation where he told me he loved me, wanted to be with me and wanted a future but that it required too much of him and he knows he needs to change but doesn’t want to try, but would like to think at some point he will come back.
I did everything I shouldn’t have done, begged, pleaded, cried, he just got more and more angry. I asked if we could just take some space and come back to this and he said no and he’d rather not speak again and told me we were done for good.
After three days of no contact, in the middle of a panic attack, yesterday I got a text from him to wish me happy Mother’s Day (TW: we have lost two babies). We had a very calm and short back and forth. He said he’d been thinking about me, hoped I was ok, was relieved my message hadn’t made the day worse.
I am grateful he reached out, but now I’m back to day one of no contact wondering if he’ll ever reach out again and I’m struggling and terrified.
I don’t know how to deal with the mixed messages and conflicted emotions and I’m struggling to get through the days.
Please give me any advice or thoughts on this so I can try to process what all this means!