It's now about 8 months since I broke up. She never contacted me, I made it extremely clear that there will never be a future and I was very distanced.
The worst part about a break-up with a bpd are for me
- my flatmates didn't notice anything and were extremely surprised when I told them about everything. It feels like one of them judges me slightly because he really liked her as a friend
- the constant flashbacks and having to push the thoughts away
- that she isn't diagnosed and thus the gaslighting still works on me. Maybe I am the problem?
Its absurd. We only knew each other for 7 months! And it feels like 3 years. 7 months full of pure stress that threw me into a depression. I have anxiety to meet her outside. I am also upset that probably I am the villain in her story.
I should just find me peace with it. I am in therapy. My therapist warns me every session about her. I have a really tragic biography but she was the one that could trigger my first real hard depression, it took her just 7 months.
Maybe the saddest part about it is that she doesn't understand herself. She was always very clear about her thoughts. Maybe that's what makes it the hardest. That she never was a pure villain but a broken little girl (sounds lowkey creepy but you get what I mean) who just loved the wrong way.
Had to get some thoughts off my brain.