I'm not really sure how to word it, but my mom always likes to oppose any of my intentions/ideas about something. It's like she wants me to change my mind and use HER idea instead.
For example. My husband built a huge lean to in our backyard to store firewood. We just cut down a bunch of dead trees so we have tons of firewood, plus we really like having bonfires. And the space we put it in is basically an unusable space, so it doesn't take up any of our free space in the yard. So why not build a large wood shed? It makes total sense for us.
Instead of "Wow that'll be great for you guys!" she starts listing all the stuff we could use it for instead of firewood. "You could build shelves in there and store other stuff!" "You could just use half and in the other half put the lawn mower!" "The firewood looks good where it is already, don't worry about moving it around!" etc.
It totally shut me down and triggered me to my core. I didn't want to talk to her anymore after that. If anyone else made a suggestion like that I'd probably be like "cool!" and move on. But because it's coming from her it feels judgey and like she's saying our idea was stupid/that her idea is better. It feels like all our hard work was for nothing and that now we have to use one of my mom's ideas about OUR shed. I showed her something I'm excited about and she stomped all over it with her own stupid ideas.
I don't think she intends it that way? But she doesn't let it go either. She keeps coming up with things after I'm like "nah, we intended it to be a wood shed, so we'll just store all our wood in there." "Well you don't need all that room for firewood, put something else in there!" Etc. It's not up for debate??
Also, if we (her children) don't like her ideas, she gets upset about it. "You guys never want to hear what I have to say!" So it's like we have to coddle her and be like "Awesome idea!" while also trying to not let it affect the lack of support we feel from her. It's so draining having emotionally neglectful or immature parents.
PS- my whole point in writing this was to ask: What is this called?? Is there a term for it? It feels very specific to my mom and it would be great to have a word or phrase to describe it without writing paragraphs.
ETA: Also negative comments! There is always at least one negative comment about something positive I share with her. "Well you know you're just building a shelter for animal pests? Rabbits, squirrels... They're all going to live in there. They wouldn't live in it if you just kept it a wood pile." Uhm. Yes they will because they already live in the existing wood pile and it's not a big deal?