Recently had a big discussion with a bunch of my single friends and feeling a huge gulf between their lived experience/expectations in dating and my own. What are your dating expectations and what is your dating life like?
I had a few drinks with friends on Friday. There were 7 of us around the room (5 singles and 1 couple) and we were discussing how dating has been for us in our late 20s and early 30s. It was a multicultural group of people from UK, Canada, Hong Kong, Korea, and Australia.
I was completely blown away by how much financials came into it with all my single friends who are women. All 3 single women have had major financial gains in life due to men in their lives and now have criteria financial for the men that they date that feel quite strict.
One had 5 years of her rent paid for by her ex and she's now saved a massive amount of money from that. One married rich when she was in her early 20s and walked away with a ton of money when they divorced 4 years later. One recently got out of a 3 year relationship in which her partner paid for all her travel, clothing, car, and dog. They all similarly only want to date men who will plan everything, pay for everything, and yet still save for their future (numbers between 20% and 30% of his paycheck were mentioned). Surely requiring this kind of treatment is basically a way of introducing another filter for men who don't earn exceptionally well or don't have generational wealth.
They all admitted that height mattered, and that anything less than dinner isn't a real date as it's too cheap and that if a man is interested, he'll want to spend money on them.
I earn pretty well in a middle management corporate job, but there is no way I could afford to cover my own costs and costs for luxuries for another person in the VHCOL city we live in.
I think me and the other single guy were just sitting there with our eyes bulging out of our sockets the entire time. I'm just trying to meet someone who likes to spend her time doing the same things as me and who likes my dog. I also want a life partner who will share lifes joys, duties, and costs with me. I would never pick a woman who wants the "princess treatment".
I think it's obvious why I'm friends with these women rather than wanting to date them, but hearing this from them has really coloured my view of them. It feels so selfish, shallow, and greedy. I think it's easy to gloss this over as simply being incompatible with them romantically, but how many of you men out there are actually wanting partners like this? Is this an unrealistic ask for them and is this why they're single or is this normal among certain circles that I just want nothing to do with?
I was under the impression that our generation (Millennials) was into equal rights and doing away with these stereotypes of the man being the provider and the woman being the carer, but it doesn't really feel like it after what I heard. I am frankly stunned.
Looking to hear how dating expectations are for you and what your experience has been!