I’m struggling with some guilt, but I feel like this relationship has become completely one-sided. I recently received an invite to my cousin’s wedding, and I’ve decided I’m not going.
We used to be close, and she wasn't always like this. But over the last six years, everything changed:
She only reaches out maybe twice a year: I hardly ever hear from her. When she does get in touch, it’s usually because she needs a favor or it’s convenient for her. There’s no genuine interest in my life anymore.
I didn't even know she was engaged: To give you an idea of how "close" we are: I didn't even know they were engaged until the invitation showed up. That’s how out of the loop I am in her life.
The husband and kid are a package deal: Her child is now 6 years old. In all those years, I haven’t had a single one-on-one "adult" moment with her. Her husband and/or the kid are at every single meeting. I get that parenting is a priority, but after 6 years, you’d think she could manage a few hours of "normal" adult life once in a while to grab a coffee.
Zero substance, only gossip: When we do talk, she has nothing to say about her own life. It’s just constant gossiping and trash-talking other people. It’s draining.
She deflects whenever I bring it up: Whenever I try to address the distance or suggest we hang out just the two of us, she shows zero insight. She immediately gets defensive and starts with "Yeah, but you..." instead of listening.
When the invitation came, I was honest with her. I told her that we haven't really had contact in years and that she doesn't need to invite me just out of a sense of obligation. I made it clear that because our relationship has faded so much, I won't be attending.
The problem is, she completely failed to understand my point. She acted confused and didn't seem to grasp why the lack of contact would mean I wouldn't want to celebrate her big day. Now, family members are telling me to just go to "keep the peace," but I don't want to spend money and energy on a relationship that hasn't existed for years.
AITA for staying home?