Anyone else not feeling better with exercise?
I’ve never had a good relationship with exercise but as I got further into my twenties, I would commit for periods of time. I never loved or even liked it and I’ve never seen body changes other than weight gain. I’ve decided to just focus on making sure that I can move my body and be healthy however it looks. I can have a race with my kid and not be super winded and I think that’s awesome, I wanna keep doing that, ya know?
At the top of 2025, I found weightlifting invigorating. I’d have to motivate myself from time to time but I didn’t feel complete if I didn’t get a workout in for the day. I was definitely still depressed but despite going through an eviction and dealing with homelessness for a chunk of the year, it would pick me up. I felt like I was happier overall.
Cut to now. I’m in stable housing but even more depressed. Rock bottom. Im experiencing passive SI (wanting to disappear, feeling like I don’t matter and if I just went missing or something, it would be cool…no plans or anything…not even sure if this is the right term to use). I just had about a week stretch where I felt okay…to dangerously indifferent and now I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom once again.
All that to say, exercise since moving into my new place has been terrible???? I never feel decent, I just wanna die the whole time. Not in a “this sucks, im really tired” kind of way. I don’t know how to explain it but soooo many of my workout sessions leave me feeling worse. Angry as hell, even. I just finished a 6 week workout plan I had set up and im struggling to find a single positive feeling. My boyfriend is like “don’t you feel better?” And I don’t want to say what’s really on my mind because it’s dark but no I feel terrible and angry and I don’t wanna be here😭
Anyone else feel like this?