We are together for 4 years, married for half a year.
I often feel like my partner assumes I have bad intentions towards them. If they have a task to do and they’re stressed out about it, and I try to help them figure out a plan of action, they assume it’s because I think they’re stupid. I don’t, not one bit, I just want to help them come up with a plan that doesn’t stress them out as much. (I even ask before trying to workshop a plan in case they just want to vent!) Why wouldnt I want to help ease their burdens?
If I point out something they do that upsets me, they assume it’s because I think they’re a shit partner. I don’t, not one bit. I just want to ensure my boundaries are respected. They always come around eventually, but it’s wearing on me.
They had a horrible upbringing where their family WAS out to get them. Ready to make fun of or belittle them and any given moment. After a year of begging them to go, they have their first therapy appointment in a few weeks.
I have so much faith in them, but I can feel myself disconnecting from them. It feels like they think I’m a bad person who is out to get them. I’m not perfect. I interrupt too much, get overwhelmed and need breaks during arguments (which I try to communicate calmly). I’m working on these things. But the things they assume of me are really, really starting to hurt my feelings. I’m starting to wonder if I AM a shitty person.
I’ve tried expressing this to them before, but these things just keep happening.
How do I give them the time and space to work on themself, while still respecting MYSELF, and trying to ensure our relationship is still connected?