I [24M] am questioning the compatibility of myself and my girlfriend [24F] based on maturity.
Hi Reddit:
As titled stated, I 24M am in a relationship with 24F for 1.5 years now. Recently my girlfriend decided to get her nipples pierced. Despite, due to my OCD, me probably not wanting my significant other to do this in the past because I would have been worried what men would think it could mean, I am proud to have move past that and encouraged her to do so if it meant she felt more comfortable in her body.
Well her birthday just passed. We went out to the bar (she has always been a going out, more party girl than I am) and her and a few of her friends stayed til closing, the rest of us left an hour or so earlier than closing because we were tired.
When I got back to hers I hadn't fallen asleep and heard her and her friends get home and go in the bathroom. In the past, we had spoke about our feelings on our bodies. I am of the personal belief that our bodies are for each other. The same way I wouldn't go out of my way to show my abs to a stranger, I would appreciate the same for her sexual parts as well. When she had gotten her nipples pieced actually, I had asked if she would show anyone, she told me only her very close best friend/roommate. While not necessarily thrilled with this, I know girls are a bit different than guys in this regard and I know not all women believe breasts are a sexual organ in the same way guys do. So, I figured that was okay, albeit if I could say it, I'd wish she showed nobody but, I figured I'd get over it. Also mind you, my girlfriend is bisexual.
Anyway, back to me being in the room, her friends are in the bathroom and they are screaming, laughing, yelling like they are 15 year olds at a sleepover for the first time. Her guy friends can be heard outside of the door saying REALLY DISGUSTING things like "Ooh can I see your piercings?" "I'll show you my ti**ies" "Hey (my girlfriend) do you have a flap? Im not a gynecologist, but Ill take a look"
I have since found out she was showing her piercings, and her friends, who do not have piercings, were also showing off their breasts as well. This didn't align at all with just the close friend thing and the fact it was done while drunk and she never showed them to anyone while sober also really bothers me.
I had a damn near anxiety attack. I was shaking, my heart rate was over 100 and I was laying there feeling so utterly betrayed. My GF came in, and I told her I was anxious about it all and we could talk about it in the morning when she was no longer drunk. When I asked what was happening in the bathroom, she laughed. When I expressed my concern with what her guy friend said, she also laughed. This has been a reoccurring theme with what has happened in the past when she drinks.
Once, she ran off and tried to get on the subway by herself, leaving her friends on their own, and her a small girl out by herself at 2 in the morning. Another time, she fell so bad on the stairs her leg was so bruised that her PCP asked her to come in to look at it.
I already struggle with alcohol as is thanks to childhood. These things don't help.
We talked about it pretty extensively and the more that I think about it the more I feel like she like understands why I'm upset, but not exactly that what she did was wrong.
My therapist and sister think I'm asking for "bare minimum". My roommate is in the middle. I am lost on this. I want to be one to let it go, but my brain keeps coming back to this feeling of being very betrayed and forgotten about. It makes me incredibly sad I wasn't thought of in this moment, and was even laughed at.
TL;DR: My [24M] bisexual girlfriend [24F] got drunk and showed her friends her nipple piercings and they all exposed themself too. It has left me feeling betrayed and confused about how to feel about it all. Especially given other behavior going on at the time and in the past.