This starts last year in between July and August. My [23M] best friend and his [25F] GF broke up because of different standards. I was there for him a lot, between them, the third wheel I should say.
When they broke up I was going back and forth trying to grasp what had happened. Personally dealing with that when there's uneven negativity between the two, ( my best friend wasn't doing well with the breakup, meanwhile his GF didnt budge. ) I had helped him throughout the process to move on meanwhile she was flirting with me. For the longest time I denied her advances because it wasn't right. Until I had fallen lovesick because I had left behind my Ex because of the way I felt being used.
His Ex and I intertwined tongues, we were intimate one night. Unfortunately after all was done, I felt a deep pain in my heart. Not only because I betrayed my best friend by doing such a thing, but because I had done something that broke the bro code I endorse so much.
At the time he and I worked together, until that happened. I couldn't show my face to him. Not after what I did, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, thinking that what I did was justified. I didn't have anything against him, I didn't think straight.
A few months ago, I reunited with him, tried to redeem myself by helping and working hard for that, "You deserved better" friend. I helped prep parties with him, caught up with him, went out to eat together, donated $100 for his dog who had a medical condition (unfortunately passed a few days after).
His sister ([23F] another ex of mine) had told their mom about what I did, which she then told him. I chose to separate myself from the situation for a while because I wasn't sure how to explain myself. It had been so long since it happened, and I was working my way to confess about it but, I didn't know when to do so. A few weeks ago I finally texted him, told him everything that happened and expressed my regrets and wished for an opportunity, to redeem myself from my past mistakes. He said he would forgive me eventually but, I tried talking to his sister (who I was having a situationship with) to try and make amends for abandoning them. Yet she wasn't really trying to deal with me so, I took the hint and deleted her number.
I've been through a lot since the beginning of this year, my heart was in so much pain this morning, my mind has been racing with so many bad thoughts. My life is going down again and I just don't know where to go from here..am I insane?