My (25F) bf (24M) never got mad at me — until now
TL;DR: My avoidant boyfriend of over 1 year ignored me for 5 days, I finally snapped and accused him of not really being “busy” this time… turns out he was at the hospital because a family member had a heart attack. Now he says he doesn’t want to talk to me and I’m spiraling because this is the first real conflict we’ve ever had.
My bf and I never really fight, but not because we’re super healthy/compatible — it’s more because he’s very avoidant. Whenever something bothers me, I try to communicate it, but he usually just says sorry quickly/coldly or acts like it’s not really a problem until I end up convincing myself I overreacted.
For the past 3 months he’s been way more distant because of work/life (we’re interns), and most of our arguments are about him barely texting anymore.
This week we didn’t talk for 5 days for the first time ever because I got tired of carrying conversations while he only replied dryly. He never checked up on me either (he usually does). I eventually texted him because I needed a favor which he did for me, and after that I was still the one keeping the conversation alive until I brought up the fact that we literally hadn’t spoken in 5 days.
He explained through voice notes that he was overwhelmed with night shifts, guests at home, etc. I asked him what happened exactly and he said “give me a minute.”, i guess he was at work. Six hours passed while I saw him online, so I got upset and texted again saying I felt stupid waiting. Turns out he was actually at the hospital because a family member had a heart attack.
I felt awful and asked about the patient, but then I said something like: “so the one time I complain about late replies, you’re actually genuinely busy.” He got really mad and said that was “crazy intolerable shit to say,” that he wasn’t going to argue, and that he didn’t want to talk to me.
I explained I didn’t mean he was lying, just that usually his reasons don’t feel convincing to me because I personally would still make time to text someone I love. I checked on his family member, but now he’s barely replying and told me “I don’t wanna talk to you.”
This is the first time he’s ever been genuinely mad at me instead of just shutting down, and I’m extremely anxious because I hate unresolved conflict. I want to make this work i love him so much and he does too and we planned on getting engaged after our graduation. i want advice about how to handle this situation and how much space should i give him before i text him again, or should i just wait for him to reach out ?