Is my friend using me for academic help, or is she just hot and cold?
Hi. When I (22M) started college, I met some new people. I wouldn't say that I am exceptionally good at things related to my major, but a couple of teaching assistants did say many times that I am incredibly good at some subjects and probably one of the best students. I’m not saying this to brag, but it is relevant to the situation.
I think, but I’m not sure, that I am being used by one specific friend (I’m going to call her Ana). She failed her first year, mostly because of some health problems. We started hanging out by speaking about things related to our major, then we started insulting each other, but it was playful. After three months, we started speaking more; during that time, she started getting into trouble with our major, specifically failing some exams. Some were because she didn't study, some because she studied but not enough, and some because of health problems. I offered to help her.
So, I took the first subject and explained it to her. She had failed that the first time badly with 3 points out of 50, but after I explained it to her, she scored 47/50—better than anyone else in the generation. In another class, she got an 8/50 on the first exam; after I explained it to her, she got a 50/50. Something similar happened with a third subject. I’m saying this because I think she might be using me because of this.
After two to three months, she just started ignoring me. If we were in a group, she would come and say hi to everyone except me. I’m not sure what I did to her, but she did this, so I stopped talking to her. Then, after two months of not speaking, she sent me a message to congratulate me on an exam. I scored 100/100 on a hard exam. I wanted to say, "Why did you message me? What do you need?" but I didn't. After talking for about five minutes, she asked me about another subject. She had studied it and later passed it, but she asked me if I had studied it and suggested that maybe we could study it together (we didn't).
Then everything was okay. Next semester we had a hard subject. I tutored her, but she didn't take the exam; she said she wasn't ready and was doing other subjects. During that tutoring, I would tutor her some days from 11:00 to 15:00 and then, on the same day, from 18:30 to 00:30. Then, after about two months, she started ignoring my messages or she would reply late. Before this, she talked about how she could help me with a certain subject and that she would explain all the info for the courses—what to focus on and what not—but then the ignoring started. She would reply after 24 hours, I think for eight consecutive days.
I messaged her and asked her if everything was okay; she said yes and that she is "just like that." Then she started ignoring me in public, but after some time, we started acting normal again. However, after one month, she started ignoring me again, so I messaged her with a rude message asking if she wanted to be friends or what she was doing. She said we are friends and that she doesn't understand me. I did apologize, but after that, the problems started: ignoring me, making plans in a group and naming everybody except me. I tried to talk with her, but she said she didn't have time; meanwhile, she was joking in the group.
I tried a couple more times and it wasn't working, so I said that I think she just hung out with me to use me and that I didn't want to speak to her anymore. When I tried to talk to her, I mentioned all the ignoring and everything, but she denied it and said that she didn't know what I was talking about and that she didn't do it. After three months, I sent her an apology message, but I wrote that I don't want anything from her, just to say sorry. She replied after 10 minutes; she said it was okay and said she was sorry if she did something to me.
At that time, I accepted everything was over. After the message, we didn't chat at college; we would just say hi. But yesterday, out of nowhere, she sent me about ten messages asking me what's up and how I am doing (in the three years we've known each other, she has sent this message maybe three times). She also said that if I need help with one specific course, she can help me so that I don't need to pay someone to tutor me—even though I tutored her in everything for free. She said that she was studying it and could explain it all to me at college, where it would be just the two of us.
This doesn't make any sense. Before, she didn't want to speak with me, and now all of a sudden she wants to tutor me for free. But also, this semester she has a subject in which I was the best; I was even able to make some guides for the exam which could help anyone practice for about a week instead of months. When she sent that message to me, I guess I was hit with nostalgia, and I said I would help her with her course. Regarding the first part, I asked her if everything was okay, and she responded with a message saying, "Yeah, you did tutor me, remember when we did it together? I still have those notes."
I’m not sure what is happening, but those ten messages don't make any sense to me. At college, it’s just "hi." I’m waiting for two days because we will have a class together; maybe she will be more talkative, but I don't even know if I want to hang out with her. My head hurts from talking to her. I try to analyze everything and I’m exhausted from basic messages.