u/AcceptableMess6152

Both of my parents do this, my mother being the worst. Every story she is the victim and leaves out information to make me seem like a horrible person.

Examples: I was SA at a young age by a relative. I bottled that up for years until I went to therapy in my twenties. When I confronted her about it, she denied and said I was a liar because I didn’t talk about it as a kid (mind you I had massive depression, anxiety and PTSD that they could never understand came out of no where as a kid). Being abused by adult men in my early teens was again my fault because i must have wanted it and was a difficult child. But we don’t talk about the fact he went to prison for ten years and my parents never spoke of the incident other than it must have been my fault. Or as an adult when I was running my own business and my mom wanted something to do so started working along side me, then got mad at me, and she decided to take my designs and start her own business. To her she invested 10k in my business when in reality we had went separate ways and she invested in started her own with my stolen designs (it failed for her and I’m sure that’s my fault too). Or when she so badly wanted to started a dog grooming business and came to me wanting to do it together and I’d groom at first and she would learn so she could assist. I never asked for it. She came to me. For a year she refused to learn how to groom, and then I started having health issues and was diagnosed with MS and had to stop because I couldn’t safely hold my tools. She then decided to attempt to run it on her own and when it was just too difficult she shut it down and sold the equipment…. But that’s my fault and tells everyone she started that business for ME and I just up and left her to deal with it. Neglecting to leave out the part I was fucking diagnosed with MS and couldn’t physically do the job safely.

I could go on with so many examples but I won’t drag this on.

Please tell me I’m not the only one? I’m NC with everyone at this point and she has fed this shit to anyone who will listen and has made me look like this angry, spoiled brat of a daughter.

I’ve been NC with my parents since October. A few nights ago I made a comment to my husband that before I went NC, I felt like he didn’t stick up for me, our kids or even himself to my parents. Tonight, my husband decided he wanted to try to do just that apparently. I had warned him it would never go well and leave it alone. They will play victim. They will yell. They will deflect and twist his words and twist what has happened. They have a way of doing it that makes you question your own reality. He’s never experienced it with them because he’s always stayed away from any conflict.

It went exactly like I said it would. He was yelled at, they said I was a difficult child who acted like a spoiled brat. He tried to bring up trauma I had as a child (SA amongst other things). Like usual, I’m a liar because I never spoke about it growing up and only started speaking about it in my twenties when I went to therapy. He hung up when she brought up his deceased mother.

I could tell something happened when he came in for the evening (he looked sad and guilty). Ugh, he opened the can of worms. He was sad. It went like I said it would. He said they were dead to him now. He was appalled by their attitude over everything and he hadn’t even said everything he wanted.

For whatever reason, I took his phone and called them back because it felt like my one chance to finally say all things I’ve wanted to say. It didnt go well. Maybe a three minute call. First she acted like she didn’t know who I was when she answered 🙄 then she started saying my husband was spewing lies (he tried to bring up trauma when I was five and medications I was on as a teenager) and she just kept screaming he accused them of giving me certain pills at five. I tried to say that’s not what he said and she was confusing what was said but she just kept yelling. I finally yelled back and told her she was going to listen to me for once and I was only calling for myself and my own peace and explain why I went NC. I could barely get it out. She kept yelling and Twisting my words. Twisting the situation. Changing what happened and saying they never said this or that or promised this or that. Same thing they always do and I knew would happen. But you know what, my husband opened this can of worms and the little girl in me needed to say something for once. She just wouldn’t stop yelling. I couldn’t hear myself even think. I finally told her to shut up and listen to me for once (to which she said wasn’t fair and why can’t she talk blah blah blah). She continued to yell so I finally just yelled back “it’s really sad that you would rather die not having a relationship with your daughter because you can’t sit back and think about your actions and acknowledge your part in anything”. She kept yelling, I’m not even sure what and I told her I was done and I’d never speak to her again after this because I knew she would never take accountability for anything. She kept yelling. I hung up.

I don’t speak to anyone in my family at this point. I’m sure she has called my “siblings” and cried to them how my husband and I called and yelled at her and were spoiled brats and spewing lies.

No lies. I know my truth. I know what’s happened. She can say what she wants, whoever wants to believe her can do so, but I know my truth. That’s what’s important.

Does that make it hurt less? Fuck no. It hurts like hell. I’m sad. Not for me now. Despite not being able to say everything I wanted in that conversation, I felt like I finally stuck up for myself and can close that door once and for all. I’m sad because life is scary and sometimes I just want my mom… just not my mom.

My parents are officially dead to me. I’ve been mourning the death of a relationship for months now but tonight just put the nail in the coffin.

As a mother myself, if any of my kids went NC with me, I’d be a mess combing over everything I’d ever done or said. And if they called me out of the blue, I would have listened quietly while they said whatever they needed to say, even if I didn’t agree with it and I was met with them just yelling at me.

But all that keeps ringing in my head is “I was a difficult problem child”