Ive always had this memory but it feels like a dream, it happend when I was very young. I can barely remember what happend, all I can remember is that my brother took my into my grandparents room when it was empty. Then I remember being under the covers of the bed I think it was around mid day because I remember light peeking out the window. While we were under the covers he pulled mine ans his pants down and rubbed his penis with mine and then I cant remember from then on.
I always thought it was nothing tried bringing it up with my brother and early on in my life I could sleep next to my brother and sit with him talk to him etc. I THOUGHT IT WAS FINE BC WE WERE JUST KIDS, and its like I can barely remember what happend - what else happend I wonder. Later around highschool it started to show up in my actions his presence, him talking, made me so pissed, I could be around him, I feel this great uncomfrtable feeling around him FUCK I feel like such a horrible brother I cant sit with him, or high five him, hig him. And when he touches me like puts his hand on near me or on me I move away in a scared away instinctively.
Once we went to a hotel and I didnt sleep bc we had to sleep together and I was afraid for some reason to accidently touch him and was at the edge tryna sleep, for some FUCKING REASON AFRAID.
FUCK LIKE I FEEL SO HORRIBLE MAN