Hello, for context (AMAB, 15 years old), I was there last week with only my mom on vacation and I could be myself much more, brush my hair, wear my nightgown... I was just super happy, I was doing things, I was doing well. I really felt like a girl.
But since my father joined us a few days ago, he's much less comprehensive, so I can't do what I used to do. Last week was the first time I felt so much like a girl, and now it hurts so, so much!!
For several days now, I haven't felt like a girl anymore. I doubt myself, I'm suffering so much, I cry. Tonight I want to hurt myself. I've already slapped myself. I'm terrified that it will never come back.
If that were the case, I would prefer to die. I am suffering, I have many doubts, I was much better... I cry, I cry, I have cried several times, I try to fill my days fully but I am very nervous and as a result everything irritates me.
I don't even know why I'm sending this, I just needed to say it. Sorry for the long message. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope I'm not bothering anyone.