u/AcanthaceaeIcy8349

i cant get out of bed, i cant shower, i cant wash my hair, i cant dance like i used to, i cant enjoy music, drawing, watching my favorite shows, nothing. i feel nothing.....cant even enjoy sleep because now i cant sleep without taking benadryl cuz melatonin doesnt help at all. it feels like my body is shutting down on me.... im tapering off effexor and onto prozac..... i was on effexor for a year and went up to 350mg and still felt absolutely nothing, ive tapering for almost a month.... still feel nothing... ik it takes time tho....been in therapy for a year still nothing, was inpatient for almost a week a year ago and it kinda helped then i did partial hospitalization for a month afterward but after it was done i went home to my bad environment and everything was undone.....tried journaling for a while didnt rlly do anything.... this is bad... ive missed weeks on weeks of school because i cant get out of bed and even when my mom forces me up i cant get any work done because my brain is yelling everything and nothing at the same time ALL THE TIME. i graduate in may and i should be happy but i couldn't care less because all these years have been riddled with horror.... i wish these issues got addressed sooner but they didn't , not until i was abt to ens my life...now they're very unlikely to admit me again unless i actually commit suicide....why does it have to be until im dead to get more help???? im aware a lot of it is my environment but a lot of it is from way before i moved to where i live now........ please i just want help i wanna get better but it feels like nobody is taking me seriously at all because i still get up and go to school sometimes and scroll on my phone all day..... im dying in front of everyone its so obvious im struggling everyone knows but nobody does anythinf to help me.....i had dreams for aftet high school but i dont even know if i can make it to graduation because i genuinely dont have anymore push in me everyone keeps telling me to just push thru, im almost tgere, ok but im at the point where I NEED SERIOUS HELP!!!! i feel like since im so drained to even hurt myself that ppl dont think ill even try to attempt suicide but one day they just might find me dead in my room rotting away .... im so exhausted....im only 17 but have been struggling for so long and i dont wanna disappoint and hurt my mom by being dead but shoot i cant do this anymore..... i have therapy in two days i just have to wait till then and nothing will be done then either im sure cuz again i dont have a suicide plan so apparently im just fine and dandy.....