u/AcanthaceaeHefty664

Can i get sum feedback on a song i wrote

V1: The dark truth is every politician is a hypocrite with blueprints like syllabus

Got agendas that fail so when tempers get flared out comes the chess board

Then they try to reassure and say whats there to stress for

But these kings and these queens are old household names

So a checkmate just leads to more poutful graves

And then they act surprised when theres violence in the hood

A little boy crying cause he seen his daddy shook

You see the cycle? Cause now the boy aint no disciple

So who is to decide what type of life that he resides for

In this case the cycle roots up from the top through generations as it drops

But whats under the seed? I say its greed that shits the root of all evil

The desire for more blinds you from what they teach you

You know Wallersteins theory the rich keep getting richer

As the poor only suffer from death and affliction

Its led to restrictions that we have on this earth today

While i sit here writing hoping that our world is saved (damn)

C: Sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country make a mothafucker kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

I said sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country makes a mothafucka kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

V2: Neglection of the youth only gets to wrecking tools used to build us up

Now we step over the victims blood as protection skews

The lesser views get more niche

Homeless man goes to mcdonalds begs for a 4 piece

Thinking that the stores cheap

But the owner kicks him out says “fuck off you lone creep”

I witnessed the whole thing

But can you really blame him when he prolly has his own strings to pull

His sink is full and the water flowing out got his mind sick

As time ticks hes loosing himself

Nobody knows and his anger isnt curing his health

I felt him deep cause i aint always the nicest person

Push people off often never feel their crisis burnin

To me all i see is priceless burdens

Now i aint sayin that its right to hurt em

But sometimes its fine to mind your business stay behind the curtains

The issue lurkin is our people are all self absorbed

In material consumed letting pressure fold

What does it take just to say “Oh bless the Lord”

And try to find a life where you can get less from more

C: Sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country make a mothafucker kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

I said sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country makes a mothafucka kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

V3: Its known that lonely people die the quietest deaths

Cause when they’re gone aint nobody ever cried never wept

But ill try to object, say a poor man lied to confess

Cause his life is a mess and all his bills piling in debt

So one night he decides to push his wife down the steps

Cause he thinks that doing crime will give the light to collect what he’s tried to posses

But after the action hes left fighting regret with knots tight in his chest

See i felt for the man but in spite of his stress whats hes doing isnt right never less

So i told him like a teacher signing a test

God knows what we did and has the right to elect

No matter how rich or poor when our time is to end

There aint nothing we can do aint no flying from death

We all gotta take the walk up the flight of the steps

reddit.com
u/AcanthaceaeHefty664 — 5 days ago
▲ 1 r/JIDSV

Can yall give me sum feedback on this song i wrote

V1: The dark truth is every politician is a hypocrite with blueprints like syllabus

Got agendas that fail so when tempers get flared out comes the chess board

Then they try to reassure and say whats there to stress for

But these kings and these queens are old household names

So a checkmate just leads to more poutful graves

And then they act surprised when theres violence in the hood

A little boy crying cause he seen his daddy shook

You see the cycle? Cause now the boy aint no disciple

So who is to decide what type of life that he resides for

In this case the cycle roots up from the top through generations as it drops

But whats under the seed? I say its greed that shits the root of all evil

The desire for more blinds you from what they teach you

You know Wallersteins theory the rich keep getting richer

As the poor only suffer from death and affliction

Its led to restrictions that we have on this earth today

While i sit here writing hoping that our world is saved (damn)

C: Sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country make a mothafucker kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

I said sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country makes a mothafucka kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

V2: Neglection of the youth only gets to wrecking tools used to build us up

Now we step over the victims blood as protection skews

The lesser views get more niche

Homeless man goes to mcdonalds begs for a 4 piece

Thinking that the stores cheap

But the owner kicks him out says “fuck off you lone creep”

I witnessed the whole thing

But can you really blame him when he prolly has his own strings to pull

His sink is full and the water flowing out got his mind sick

As time ticks hes loosing himself

Nobody knows and his anger isnt curing his health

I felt him deep cause i aint always the nicest person

Push people off often never feel their crisis burnin

To me all i see is priceless burdens

Now i aint sayin that its right to hurt em

But sometimes its fine to mind your business stay behind the curtains

The issue lurkin is our people are all self absorbed

In material consumed letting pressure fold

What does it take just to say “Oh bless the Lord”

And try to find a life where you can get less from more

C: Sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country make a mothafucker kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

I said sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country makes a mothafucka kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

V3: Its known that lonely people die the quietest deaths

Cause when they’re gone aint nobody ever cried never wept

But ill try to object, say a poor man lied to confess

Cause his life is a mess and all his bills piling in debt

So one night he decides to push his wife down the steps

Cause he thinks that doing crime will give the light to collect what he’s tried to posses

But after the action hes left fighting regret with knots tight in his chest

See i felt for the man but in spite of his stress whats hes doing isnt right never less

So i told him like a teacher signing a test

God knows what we did and has the right to elect

No matter how rich or poor when our time is to end

There aint nothing we can do aint no flying from death

We all gotta take the walk up the flight of the steps

reddit.com
u/AcanthaceaeHefty664 — 5 days ago
▲ 6 r/Eminem

Can yall give me sum feedback on this song i wrote?

V1: The dark truth is every politician is a hypocrite with blueprints like syllabus

Got agendas that fail so when tempers get flared out comes the chess board

Then they try to reassure and say whats there to stress for

But these kings and these queens are old household names

So a checkmate just leads to more poutful graves

And then they act surprised when theres violence in the hood

A little boy crying cause he seen his daddy shook

You see the cycle? Cause now the boy aint no disciple

So who is to decide what type of life that he resides for

In this case the cycle roots up from the top through generations as it drops

But whats under the seed? I say its greed that shits the root of all evil

The desire for more blinds you from what they teach you

You know Wallersteins theory the rich keep getting richer

As the poor only suffer from death and affliction

Its led to restrictions that we have on this earth today

While i sit here writing hoping that our world is saved (damn)

C: Sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country make a mothafucker kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

I said sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country makes a mothafucka kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

V2: Neglection of the youth only gets to wrecking tools used to build us up

Now we step over the victims blood as protection skews

The lesser views get more niche

Homeless man goes to mcdonalds begs for a 4 piece

Thinking that the stores cheap

But the owner kicks him out says “fuck off you lone creep”

I witnessed the whole thing

But can you really blame him when he prolly has his own strings to pull

His sink is full and the water flowing out got his mind sick

As time ticks hes loosing himself

Nobody knows and his anger isnt curing his health

I felt him deep cause i aint always the nicest person

Push people off often never feel their crisis burnin

To me all i see is priceless burdens

Now i aint sayin that its right to hurt em

But sometimes its fine to mind your business stay behind the curtains

The issue lurkin is our people are all self absorbed

In material consumed letting pressure fold

What does it take just to say “Oh bless the Lord”

And try to find a life where you can get less from more

C: Sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country make a mothafucker kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

I said sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country makes a mothafucka kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

V3: Its known that lonely people die the quietest deaths

Cause when they’re gone aint nobody ever cried never wept

But ill try to object, say a poor man lied to confess

Cause his life is a mess and all his bills piling in debt

So one night he decides to push his wife down the steps

Cause he thinks that doing crime will give the light to collect what he’s tried to posses

But after the action hes left fighting regret with knots tight in his chest

See i felt for the man but in spite of his stress whats hes doing isnt right never less

So i told him like a teacher signing a test

God knows what we did and has the right to elect

No matter how rich or poor when our time is to end

There aint nothing we can do aint no flying from death

We all gotta take the walk up the flight of the steps

reddit.com
u/AcanthaceaeHefty664 — 5 days ago

Can yall give me some feedback on this song i wrote

V1: The dark truth is every politician is a hypocrite with blueprints like syllabus

Got agendas that fail so when tempers get flared out comes the chess board

Then they try to reassure and say whats there to stress for

But these kings and these queens are old household names

So a checkmate just leads to more poutful graves

And then they act surprised when theres violence in the hood

A little boy crying cause he seen his daddy shook

You see the cycle? Cause now the boy aint no disciple

So who is to decide what type of life that he resides for

In this case the cycle roots up from the top through generations as it drops

But whats under the seed? I say its greed that shits the root of all evil

The desire for more blinds you from what they teach you

You know Wallersteins theory the rich keep getting richer

As the poor only suffer from death and affliction

Its led to restrictions that we have on this earth today

While i sit here writing hoping that our world is saved (damn)

C: Sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country make a mothafucker kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

I said sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country makes a mothafucka kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

V2: Neglection of the youth only gets to wrecking tools used to build us up

Now we step over the victims blood as protection skews

The lesser views get more niche

Homeless man goes to mcdonalds begs for a 4 piece

Thinking that the stores cheap

But the owner kicks him out says “fuck off you lone creep”

I witnessed the whole thing

But can you really blame him when he prolly has his own strings to pull

His sink is full and the water flowing out got his mind sick

As time ticks hes loosing himself

Nobody knows and his anger isnt curing his health

I felt him deep cause i aint always the nicest person

Push people off often never feel their crisis burnin

To me all i see is priceless burdens

Now i aint sayin that its right to hurt em

But sometimes its fine to mind your business stay behind the curtains

The issue lurkin is our people are all self absorbed

In material consumed letting pressure fold

What does it take just to say “Oh bless the Lord”

And try to find a life where you can get less from more

C: Sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country make a mothafucker kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

I said sometimes this shit just make me wanna sit back and watch

This country makes a mothafucka kick back them rocks

Reflecting on a time when gettin a lick back was not

The price for a life now we see the deadly cost

V3: Its known that lonely people die the quietest deaths

Cause when they’re gone aint nobody ever cried never wept

But ill try to object, say a poor man lied to confess

Cause his life is a mess and all his bills piling in debt

So one night he decides to push his wife down the steps

Cause he thinks that doing crime will give the light to collect what he’s tried to posses

But after the action hes left fighting regret with knots tight in his chest

See i felt for the man but in spite of his stress whats hes doing isnt right never less

So i told him like a teacher signing a test

God knows what we did and has the right to elect

No matter how rich or poor when our time is to end

There aint nothing we can do aint no flying from death

We all gotta take the walk up the flight of the steps

reddit.com
u/AcanthaceaeHefty664 — 5 days ago