Am I overreacting about my Husband sending a friend request to someone who disrespects me.
Back story: I have been friends with this person for about 9 years now and we have always had an on and off again relationship throughout my highschool years. She is my best friends cousin who joined our friend group even though she is 3 years older.
Back in 2022 she welcomed a daughter a d I started dating my now husband, our partners become really good friends and we connected better then ever.
A month later we found out I was expecting and had no issues for years or it was over all unimportant things.
We had a big fight months before my wedding (2025) but we connected and she was my bridesmaid and she was planning a wedding with her then fiancé for the year after but a couple months after mine they canceled the wedding.
Obviously I was there for her but after a couple weeks I wasn't asking specifically about ending her relationship. She posted a Snapchat story about me saying "funny how friends aren't there for me" which she was messaged, ended up in an argument up telling me that my husband only married me because I baby trapped him and some other uncalled for things. Months later we started talking again after we announced our second pregnancy, we find out she would have been due to have a baby around the same week as me but she didn't keep hers. All was good up until I was 2 weeks postpartum where you removed both my husband and I from all social media and upcoming events. We asked why and her response was that I told her I was glad she got rid of it, something I NEVER said. What I did say was: selfishly I don't wanna have kids within the same week, could you imagine the birthday party planning, we would end up in an argument. This was at my baby shower around 30 weeks pregnant. I told her that it was never meant to be mean just didn't want another reason that could cause more drama and that she didn't even wish me congratulations on our baby boy, which she didn't respond too just went back to saying after not seeing us for the 12 weeks she had been thinking and she can't get over that I told her I was glad she didn't keep the baby (NEVER SAID) because I wouldn't be able to cope with her having a baby.
I did end up telling her that it's the same as the wedding that is just attacking me for something she doesn't have and she's only attacking me by changing my words because I kept my baby and she regrets not keeping hers.
Now up to date: My boy is 8 weeks old and we are hosting one of my best friends 24th birthdays at ours which is 2 hours from the city where our friends live. This is the cousin of the girl I've had on and off again issues with. During planning I did have that she could stay in our daughters room with her 2 kids since we all will be drinking and I know it makes it hard with kids. (Mainly keeping peace for the birthday girl)
A few days ago my husband decided to send her a friend request after we have talked about no longer trying to fix the friendship as she continues to cause drama and say disrespectful things toward or about me. Last night I mentioned that it has really upset and annoyed me and he doesn't see the problem with it. I told him, him sending a request makes her think that it's all cool again, his response was "I don't care what she thinks" I asked him why add her? His response "Because I like saying the posts about the kids" I asked you ask the dad of the kids? His response was "he doesn't post them much" I continued to say I don't want her thinking it's okay to say disrespecting things towards me and it'll all just be fine. His response was "her coming to ours to celebrate the birthday is more likely to do that"
What do you outsiders think?