Insecurity.
Quick disclaimer: a couple of years ago, I faked DID. Very obviously. Nobody caught on. After a few weeks, I felt horrible. Guilty, shameful, disgusted with myself, etc. I took it into my own hands to apologise to the people I'd lied to. I vowed to never, ever, fake anything serious again. Especially when it's mental-health related and could genuinely affect someone. That experience crushed me, and to this day, I remain horrified and appalled by those actions and decisions.
I'd like to add that I have experienced >!physical and emotional abuse!< for the first decade of my life, and continue to as of now. Throughout ages 12-14, I experienced horrific >!sexual abuse!<. This was enough to get me diagnosed with PTSD that drastically affects my life.
Now, three years later, I'm experiencing symptoms of dissociative disorders. I am aware of these experiences possibly being related to PTSD and/or simply being an IFS (Internal Family System) situation. I personally believe that I have at least one other presence in my head, that cannot be labelled as anything yet. All I (think) I know about the biggest presence is that they are rather defensive and aggressive, and tend to try and drive my friends and certain members of my family away from me.
Due to my previous lies, and the amount of stigma and false information on the internet surrounding these types of conditions, I am very, very anxious that I might be subconsciously faking my symptoms. I don't want the condition. I didn't try to will it into existence. I am terrified of having a dissociative disorder; I struggle with PTSD and neurodivergence enough, and I don't need any other issues on my radar.
Are there any tells that I might be faking? Or that this is just an IFS thing? I'm happy to talk more about my symptoms and experiences if necessary. I just need advice because I've been told yes and no by a multitude of professionals and not-professionals.