My boyfriend keeps buying nudes and talking to girls on Snapchat/Telegram and I don’t know how to handle it anymore.
We’ve been dating for almost a year. He’s in the military and works a weird 2 days on/2 days off schedule, so he does have a lot of downtime sometimes. Recently I found out he’s been sending money to girls on Cash App for nudes/videos/custom content. Not just like an OF subscription either, sometimes it’s literally hundreds of dollars, like $500+.
He also talks to some of these girls on Snapchat and Telegram. From what I’ve seen it’s flirty and sexual, and honestly it feels way more personal than just watching porn. He also constantly watches porn on Reddit and X/Twitter. The confusing part is that when we’re together, we’re very intimate and affectionate. Our relationship honestly feels really good in person, which is why this is messing with my head so badly. It’s not like we have a dead bedroom or no connection.
What hurt almost more than the actual messages/payments was that he tried to lie about it until I showed proof. At first he denied everything and acted like I was overthinking, but once I had screenshots/evidence he finally admitted to it.
He says he “doesn’t know why he does it,” that he gets bored, and that it’s like an impulse at this point. He swears it’s not because I’m not enough for him and says he loves me, but I genuinely don’t understand how someone can spend that much money and attention on random women while in a relationship.
Part of me feels hurt and disrespected, part of me wonders if this is some kind of addiction/validation thing, and part of me feels stupid for staying. I keep going back and forth between trying to understand him and feeling completely betrayed.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? Did it get better or is this just who he is?