how to genuinely dealing with this?
i'd be honest first but i genuinely dk if i'm right in this or i'm js being an asshole, but i know goddamn well i might have some sort of narcissistic traits in me. every single time, i think i'm some sort of superior and some lower than me just because they're stupider.. i created an inner hierarchy.. i'd be glazin myself plenty because of my looks and how much talent i actually have and just not shown up.. even when my head be sayin everyone shall be treat equal.. idfk what empathy actually are since my psychologist like year ago told me guilt ≠ empathy and i could hardly relate to others unless i put myself in the situation.. shit sounds so so if only I WASN'T SO FUCKING DAMNINGLY FULL OF GUILT EVERY SINGLE TIME I'VE DONE SOMETHING AND SO FULL OF EMOTIONS.
it's actually so tiring. i hate facing consequences. i don't care about what others think of me... idc if they're talking behind my back.. but holy shit, i hate it when i accidentally hurt someone close to me and they fucking leave me. i can't seem to apologize either, it's like there's something inside of me holding me back. say it's shameful or wtv.. i don't get what is going on either. the guilt is eating me. i hate this. the constant shift between "i love myself" to a goddamn "i wish i was normal" is killin me. how did one even dealing with this? i'm already like visibly autistic and socially awkward irl so my friends alone are in a very very small amounts. i don't like this. i hate how self-centric and anti-apologizing i am. i'm also so anti-criticism in which, no matter how i tried to improve are so.. idk. how does one even deal with this?