the guilt is eating me inside no pun intended
i (m29) broke down today in front of my wife (f31) and mother in law and cried like a baby. i was feeling deeply insecure and acting very unlike who i want and imagine myself to be.
my wife and i live with my mother in law. they’re my chosen family. i haven’t been employed for the last year, my wife supports both of us financially. i haven’t sat around doing nothing, but not bringing in any income is now eating me up alive. the level of insecurity im feeling is through the roof, to the point that i was having a hard time trusting that my family truly love me. i broke down ugly crying and they reassured me that their occasional ribbing wasn’t meant to put me down.
i realized i have a very shaky sense of self. i don’t feel like i have a solid foundation. my relationship with my own family is not the closest and i have only one childhood friend to lean on emotionally. i truly love my wife and i want to be the man and provide for us (both financially and as an emotionally stable person), but the weight of that responsibility is heavy. i hate feeling like im still a boy. but im ready to make the changes i need to make.
thanks for reading. still very sore from the day, so compassionate advice is appreciated. dinner is a charcuterie dinner wife and i made for mother’s day. sweet peppers, green apple, walnuts, prosciutto, oaxaca cheese, cassava tortilla chips, brussels sprouts with lemon, garlic spinach dip and a piece of khaman.
edit: wow i didn’t expect to receive so many responses, not to mention so much kindness and reassurance. i can’t reply to all of you, but thank you all kind internet strangers for reminding me to keep my head up. a lot of you came through with some very specific and actionable advice. i’m gonna keep trying to do a little better every day (i already have an interview lined up this week!!). cheers and im sending you all the same positive vibes right back 🙏🏼