u/Able_Interview_2731

hello everyone,

this is a pretty long rant so get ready

today I had a talk with my girlfriend about our relationship and we got into this topic of exes. or starters she's an avoidant and im a secure/anxious partner ive been working on it and have tried to deal with it in a better manner and I have been, my anxiety has went down and my thoughts about a lot o things has diminished

she had a first love before me and well just call him ex 1, she only was with ex 1 or about id say 4 months in middle school but in these four months she has fully convinced and made up her mind that she could tell this guy anything and everything because they always got along on a more "emotional level" and well he cheated on her after a while and she tells me I it got to it she could go back and talk to him in that way still without an issue due to them not ending on bad terms.

I asked her how she felt about me and I she got along with me on an emotional level like that and she just said "I guess" we have been together or about a year and a half now. we were together previously and had issues in the past but we were young and dumb.

it bothers me because she's been with me long enough to a point where I feel like she could share anything with me and we've talked about other things like previous exes and just situations and personal things, so I dont see why when I ask why she doesnt see me in that manner and did with ex 1 she says its personal and its just not the way she is, but I ex 1 were to come back and talk and try to get on a personal level she would, and I pushed her a little to answer but in a calm manner. she just said that she feels like I see her more in a sexual manner than anything and that bothered me a lot and I turned around and I did say I didnt want to talk anymore but I did come back to talk again because I just needed a moment. she just said "idk how you expect me to tell you things when you act like this when I tell you something that im feeling" and im just confused, we do have intercourse but not as often as we used to, not as much as we did in the beginning and id like to because thats the way I eel connected sometimes, thats just the way I eel closer to her at times, am I sexualizing her too much in my head? I try to initiate things sometimes but not all the time, im thinking I shouldn't be like that anymore, I gotta back off and wait for her to initiate or is there a better time to do it? we dont live together so there's just no way o me being able to without one o us being home alone or just being a little risky in the car or in my room when everyones home, she says sometimes she just wants to have a good time with me and not have to get it on, she mentioned that with her ex she would be able to talk about hobbies and interest and things she did and everything without having to wonder I there's someone else and having to doubt things, it sounds like she doesnt trust me or have all trust in me and I mean that hurts since we've been together or so long now that it just wouldn't make sense to me

previously when me and her were together I talked to a specific girl and I never blocked her because she was my bsf before her and I will admit we were a little dirty ish so its understandable but I just kept on unblocking her and she talked to some dude that bothered me and well it was just toxic, we saw other people we split up or a year and decided to try again and see what would happen because we were both in love with each other still so we wanted to try it out. I just dont know what to do or how to change or what to change, I ask her but she shuts down and I eel like its just the way I acted with her and everything. any advice would help.

im not going to lie ive been working out for about a year now and I have nothing to show for I, I do intense workouts like lifting heavy and to failure 6-8 reps for two sets, I do my cardio but im still skinny fat and id what to do

I think it's mainly my diet but what should my diet consist of such as macros. carbs , fats, protein, how should I cycle when cutting and bulking what foods should I eat? how should I be training for my desired physique, im six feet tall and about 165 pounds

ive been dealing with a lot of ideas and just issues in my head recently about my relationship and its made me spiral into a bunch of anxiety. me and my gf have been together for about a year and a half now and I consider her to be my first love and the person I eventually want to marry If all goes well

to start things off I am an semi anxiously attached partner meaning I rely on a lot from her but ive stopped recently with doing that I try not to lay my issues and ideas on her knowing it can be a lot sometimes and just a hassle to deal with (im sure some of you experience it)

I feel like a lot of what I compare myself to is what I see guys see online, that every woman wants a secure and confident man in what they do and just someone that isn't so spiraled into their emotions, so I come her to ask how does one become so secure and so mentally and emotionally stable, how is it that guys get into this mindset of being so though and just stable as a rock. she's a semi avoidant attached partner so a lot of what she does consists of just her being able to deal with her emotions on her own and do everything independently, and I know I just have to let it be a lot of the time and just wait for her to eventually come to me for things instead of me begging her to answer me when I think somethings wrong. she's also expressed to me that she wears the pants in the relationship and just takes the leading role more and im assuming she just means that in the emotional aspect. I dont want to lose my girlfriend cause I seem mentally and emotionally incapable of being the one that can hold up both our emotions,

ive already started to live my own life and just focus more on myself whilst being in my relationship, next week im going to start going to the gym because I haven't been able to pay for a subscription, I got a job now so im working full time 8 hours a day, ive started to plan more dates in a surprise manner, ive also tried to surprise her with more things like flowers and just small gestures randomly.

when it comes to the emotional aspect im not too stable mainly because of the way I grew up around my family it was always care for each other and okay to be emotional, mainly because ima mommas boy and she's always taught me thats its okay to feel the way I feel, thus making me a little more unstable when it comes to my emotions, I can't talk about my emotions without depending on her to make me feel better or make me feel happier sometimes with some reassurance which she's not too good at, I know with someone else she was but its also because he was one of these really secure guys and it does bug me a little bit because I wan to make my girlfriend also feel like I can support her emotionally and just in her life, I dont want to make her worry about her issues or make her spiral into emotions either, want to guide her in the right path without making it seem like im just giving her solutions, only issue being when it comes to talking about issues I just get really emotional and really sensitive and I just want to get out of this mentality. is the key to just be semi avoidant secure or just completely secure of myself? I want to be a better bf and not seem so needy and annoying with my needs and emotions

I really dont know if this makes any sense but any help would be appreciated.