u/Able-Condition2120

I grew up in a muslim and moroccan houseold. My parents were very violent and angry toward me. My father was an alcoholic addict and a fucking psychopath. My mom was her victim, and I became the victim of my mom... The cycle of violence repeat itself lol. I mainly grown with my mom. I'm the oldest daughter, when I was kid I was considered like "the calm and obedient kid" so my mom considered that I hadn't need attention and affection. She never showed up at my matches of basket or at the school outings with me. I didn't even remember a moment of love with her, or hearing out of her mouth "I love you". This affected me so bad especially when I reached teenage years, seeing the relationship of my friends and their mom made me so jealous and envious. I turned into a ball of anger, angry against the world. Questions like "why doesn't my mom love me properly ?" haunts me every freaking day. I can't forget all those years of physical and mental violence that she does to me. A part of me tells me to forget and forgive but I can’t do it honestly. If somoene can help me or just listen it's very kind thx <3