u/Abject-Rip8516

curious if y’all wear a wellness / fitness tracker such as oura, apple watch, fitbit, whoop, garmin, or another?? do you find it helpful or harmful?

do you have a favorite, and if so, why?

I’m debating buying an oura ring as I’ve previously tried fitness tracker and found them really helpful for managing lifestyle habits in a way that supports my overall health.

I stopped b/c the wrist ones always cause rashes and aren’t sustainable to wear. now that I’m on hydroxychloroquine, a lot of my skin issues are better (no more acne!) and I’m thinking it would be fun to try again.

I want it to be supportive and help me with things like lowering my RHR and increasing my HRV, as well as tracking my daily steps to prevent issues from sitting too much (like sciatica). however, I know tracking can sometimes be stressful when in a prolonged flare and everything’s not going great.

can’t wait to hear what works for you guys! I love this sub!!

hi everyone —

I (33F) was diagnosed with lupus in august of last year (2025) during an active flare. I started hydroxychloroquine right away and things have mostly been stable since then (besides also dealing with a recent stage 3/4 endometriosis diagnosis and upcoming surgery).

prior to the diagnosis and starting medication, I had a red light that I used every single day. it helped me *so much*. I used it particularly for pain — especially in my joints and ligaments, as well as period pain. besides taking advil or applying topical cannabis, it has been the most effective pain treatment by far. I loved it!!

however, during the flare last year (prior to diagnosis) I was doing red light over my kidneys and for the first time ever, it made my pain much worse. since then I stopped entirely, particularly once I got diagnosed and started medication — after which I’ve noticed major sun sensitivity.

I’ve tried looking at the scientific lit and discussed it with my rheumatologist, but so far the answers are not to use it out of an abundance of caution. I plan to stick to his advice and will bring this again to my next appointment, but I’m curious what your experience is?

on a day like today where my knees are aching, a 20min session would previously have relieved it 80-100%. I don’t want to be over reliant on ibuprofen and am bummed that such an effective tool (that I spent a LOT of money on) is no longer usable.

part of me wonders if it’s okay when I’m not flaring, but needs to be avoided when flaring? or if it’s just an all around no with hydroxychloroquine.

so tell me about you! do you red light? have you ever? what’s your rheumatologist say?? I know we’ll get more studies in this area, but for now would love to hear from you all.

how do you build sustainable, reciprocal friendships with other women in your 30s and beyond??

I (33F) feel as if I’ve been trying to learn how to build and sustain female friendships for so many years. I have plenty of great women in my life, but probably one genuine female friend who I feel shows up for me emotionally and maturely and reciprocally. I am so grateful for her and know she struggles with this too — as do most of the women I speak with honestly about it.

I come from a very dysfunctional home with a narcissistic mother (actually NPD) who cannot make or sustain female friendships. she is highly competitive with all other women, who she assumes are out to get her, including myself and my sister from a very young age. this has of course had a lasting impact. I’ve done plenty of therapy and continue to do so.

what I’ve noticed is that I tend to make friends with emotionally unavailable people. recovering codependent here. it’s something I’ve actively worked so hard on, yet still keep repeating this pattern. I’ve gotten much quicker at noticing it, but I still feel frustrated as to why this is so hard for me — and for so many of us!!

how do you meet other women in their 30s and what do you look for as a sign of emotional availability?? what do you try to cultivate in yourself so that you show up fully for your friends?

I’m generally active, love outdoorsy things, wfh, and can get along with pretty much anybody. I have chronic illness, so it’s important to find stable and steady friendships.

we can have totally different interests and I recognize that some friendships are deeper than others, however I’m someone that tends to give the people I love everything I’ve got and prefer a few close friends to many surface level ones.

any and all thoughts & advice are welcome! I know this is a lifelong journey, but it’s important to me to build my relational skills for not only myself, but for any daughters I might have as well. our culture truly pits us against eachother and I am so ready for this divide btwn women to end. there’s nothing better than close female friendships!!

ETA TLDR: I still struggle to build sustainable female friendships after what feels like years of working on my relational skills, and as a result feel somewhat lonely. how do you meet other emotionally available women? what do you look for in friendships?? how do you build them?