u/AbdallahAhmed03

I was always that kid with no friends. The one who got bullied, never anyone’s first choice. Not in class, not in games, not in anything really. I really felt alone. But something changed inside of me during 9th grade. I started hating my classmates so much that I kept fighting them all the time, to the point where I slowly became just like them. Then I moved to another high school in 10th grade, and honestly, getting away from those creeps made me a lot better.

As the years passed, I became a completely different person. Yeah, I still spent a lot of time alone, but this time I actually used it well. I learned new things, transformed my body in the gym, and even found new friends, better ones. But that feeling still hunts me. And now that I’m in another city for college, away from everyone, it feels even worse. You start realizing that people change. Even the friends you thought you finally belonged with. Whenever I come back home, nobody really wants to hangout anymore. Sometimes I feel like I’m just annoying them. They don’t realize that spending time together actually fills something missing inside me. But they’ve got their new friends from college now, and they seem happy.

Even the people I met in college don’t really feel like my people. It feels like making real connections gets harder the older you get. It stayed like that for almost a year and a half, until I finally found a good group of friends. Since then, I’ve just been trying to live my life, stay positive, and be happy. But sometimes that feeling hits again around midnight, that weird emptiness that suddenly turns every thought dark.

there is something that helped me really as i thought but now i think it destroyed me and that is 'how i met your mother' sitcom...

Some people envy me for living in the capital or being away from my hometown, but they don’t realize how exhausting it actually is. I live with my dad, not in a dorm, and honestly, sometimes the dorm life sounds way better. I work with my father, and life here feels miserable sometimes. No time for fun, no real freedom. my only free time starts after work around 6 PM. Sometimes I joke to myself that I’m like Michael Jackson without the talent, just the complicated relationship with my dad.

I dont know which worse the emptiness and the sad feeling i get from being alone or from feeling alone even when you're surrounded by people or from fighting with my dad most of the time.

I remember watching an episode where it showed an old footage of double g when he was young singing with his brothers like the jacksons as if double g is michael jackson of our time lol. anyway i liked this song when i was a kid and im searching for it rn. can anyone help?