Feeling conflicted
I've been seeing a lot of stuff lately about how "csa ruins lives" and how csa victims often repress the actual events. This has kind of confused me, because in my experience, I've mostly thought of my sexual abuse as something kind of unpleasant, like going to the dentist. And I don't even hate the person who did it. So i've been feeling a little conflicted lately about identifying as a csa survivor, because while according to the law it is, I feel like I should be a little worse affected. For reference, I was groomed/molested by a teacher for a few years in high school (14-17). However, I was fully clothed for all the actual touching, and I was only alone with him once a week so I knew when it would happen. Also I would pretty much start disassociating whenever any actual touching would happen. I didn't even realize it was actually inappropriate until a few years later. I've had some issues with drinking, relationships, shame, and general heightened fear (also never told anyone because aside from embarrassment I felt guilty about the idea of getting someone in trouble), but overall, possibly because I was older, I feel like I almost got off...easy? Do any older survivors (or in general) feel like this?