I deeply struggle accepting my height because each time I see myself i see a girl
For context : 18yo, 4ft11, 47kg, 11 months on T
The title is a bit confusing, but basically since i am so short i feel like my whole life is going to be a futureless mess because each time i see myself, or see the things around me being so weirdly tall compared to me, im like wtf, and everyone genuinely thinks i am 13-14yo since NO (except like 2 other dudes somewhere probably) is a 18yo 4ft11 cis man. Kids are often taller than me and it just sucks. Its been a year + im trying to deconstruct this whole « tall height = masculinity » thing, and i simply cant do it. I want to stop my transition sometimes cuz im like whats the point in continuing if i feel like this my whole life, even seeing my own body gross me out because the dimensions are fucking icky, same in the bathroom miroir that i just see my belly bottom and up since the thing is « too high » . I dress 14 in teenagers. (Canada based)
Also this is not about passing because i pass most of the time is really just that constant inner feeling of being grossed out by myself that can’t seem to go away wathever i try/do
I need advice on how to get out of there mentally