Hi, I am 28 years old woman and I am wondering if what I am experiencing could be due to having both autism and adhd. To be clear I am not diagnosed, I will pass an ADHD assessment in october, but for now it is only me and my already diagnosed friends who thinks I might have Audhd.
Today my life is a mess, after going to several psychologists for almost 7 years, I have been diagnosed with severe depression two years ago, and have been taking pills for it since the diagnosis(SSRI). I experienced suicidal thoughts since childhood, like when I was 12, due to bullying, I endend up taking drugs, like smoking, until the end of highschool because it started giving me panic and anxiety each time I smoked (which I also experienced regularly since childhood without smoking).
I always struggled in class, but not in a way that has alerted my parent or my teachers. Doing homework was a pain in the ass and I always forgot books or my notebooks or sportwear... But I still had enough good grade without paying so much attention. I would draw all over my notebooks all day long, and if I could not it would be really hard for me to not fall asleep or distracting my classmate by speaking a lot with them. I finally choose to pass an art licence degree, it was really hard because I struggled to do homework in due time, I did a lot of parties even when I should've been working, and endend up doing my homework the night before, not sleeping for 32 hours regularly. But I still got my degree because I was somehow very good at drawing.
But after this I was released in the wild and got completly lost. I've been doing nothing for two years straight, wondering what I should do with my life and finding no good answer. At that time I thought it was due to several traumatic experiences I had during my life, I finally got my first job, which came directly to recrute me because for some reason I am f****ng unable to look for a job for my own grown ass.
But this job didn't last for ever, and after this I was back to my meaningless life and today I'm still in this state. Except I'm now unable to socialize with more than 2 people at the same time, or for a short period of time, as it drains my energy to the point I need like three days to start feeling better. I can't do laundry, basic hygiene, dishes, sometimes I'm not doing it for several weeks, it's like I can only do one thing a day and somedays nothing at all. I pass my days scrolling or playing video games and I feel very gulty for not being able to search a job, or do all the things I know would make me feel better but feel impossible. I also started to experienced more sensory issues, like loud noises makes me wanna puke, I can't stand big light, I have a hard time managing my body temperature, and also I am constently exhausted even with good rest. I experience a lot of other symptoms too, like missing appointments, time blindness, hyperfocus, harmful stimming, constently picking at my skin, rubbing my feets together, jumping from short time high energy to very low, feeling empty, scared of being perceived, burning my food... I thought all of this was due to depression and anxiety, but it's been two years of medication, it completely stopped my suicidal and selfharm thoughts and I'm feeling overall better but it did nothing to help me do the things I need to do.
Finally I've been making friends with people who are diagnosed with adhd, autism or audhd, or having very good friends getting late diagnose, and I was wondering, is my state due to potentiel audhd ? Has anyone experienced this feeling of missing your own life ? Does the diagnosis helped ?
Am I forever doomed ? 😭