u/A_kernel_of_cornn

I'm really new to all of this, I only recently just told myself you know what I'm going to just go to all the doctors and see what they say and why I have this or that weird thing. One thing led to another and we have come to find out I don't have a high pain tolerance because I don't even feel the pain in the first place to tolerate it.

So today they wanted to try ultrasound therapy on my knees to see if I feel it at all and if it would help this weird sort of stiffness I have in them (we are basically throwing things at the wall and seeing what happens until I get appointments with geneticists). They told me they wanted to set it just a bit higher than what they would do for a usual patient and I basically felt nothing other than vibration. Then they went one up and I felt a very slight ache, but it was barely anything so they went one more up and I felt that and said that one was enough to be uncomfortable, but not unbareable, despite that they decided to go back down one and we just let it do it's thing for a couple of minutes. Then all at once I nearly passed out just out of nowhere. It felt very similar to chronic hypoglycemia episodes I have, my hearing sort of gets muffled, my vision bursts then starts to grey and darken, I shake, and my limbs go numb.

I was not in any outstanding pain by any means so I have no idea why I suddenly almost passed out. Does anyome have any similar experiences? Or have any sort of suggestion on what it could be so I can bring it up to doctors? More than one doctor has told me they suspect POTS- could that be related and if so why would that happen during an ultrasound on my knee?

I have a sort of job interview tomorrow morning, I say sort of because technically it was them reaching out to me after seeing my portfolio online to ask me to work with them and it's in the area of my expertise and basically my childhood dream job. So I know logically in my head that basically the job is mine, but I'm so used to that hot and cold yoyo bs from growing up with my family that everything too good makes me so incredibly anxious.

Like I just feel like I can't be this lucky and just like most of my life I go in with a little hope and then get it ripped out from under me even though my Nmom and Nsister no longer have control over my life to do anything that would sabotage this like they used to. The feeling is so strong I always have to fight with every fiber of my being to not self sabotage and run away from opportunities that have basically 0 downside. I always manage to follow through with sheer will power, but it's still just such a terrible feeling.

Part of it is also imposter syndrome like I KNOW I have the expertise for this position other wise I wouldn't already be making money on my own to live with it through freelance and contracting, like that would be an insult to my clients who like my work. However, despite knowing the logic it's like my brain is rational, but my body is absolutely whacked and feeling like they'll hire you and then find out you actually suck and be disappointed. Which makes no sense because every place I've been employed in the past has asked me what it would take for me to stay after putting in my 2 weeks so I shouldn't feel this way.

Do any of you guys feel this way? Is there anything you do to cope with it till you get the thing causing it over with?