Is my Mother Toxic?
I usually see my mother in a very positive light, however after taking some classes about psychology in college and generally being away from her makes me see some signs that maybe she’s toxic?
I’m completely dependent on my single mother at the moment, not by choice but because I’m a young person in college and she refuses to help me get my license. It’s been over 4 years since she was supposed to help me with that, I paid for everything to get it set up but I can count the amount of times I’ve practiced on one hand.
I get that she’s busy, she works 12 hour days 6 days a week along with dealing with my siblings and I. However, she is very upset that I don’t have a job and that I don’t work but decided to move us to the middle of nowhere. Like buttfuck nowhere, I can’t walk anywhere to work I can’t even get groceries. It’s not that I don’t want a job, I just can’t get one due to the lack of a reliable ride.
I get yelled at often for not having a job, along with getting told to get a job every time I need something. I need my psych meds? Get a job and maybe I’ll get them. I need new clothes because quite literally all of my clothes are ripped apart (from overuse because I barely have any.. because I bought myself my own clothes when I had a job in high school), get a job and maybe you can get yourself some new clothes. I was supposed to get surgery 5 years ago on my teeth and now I can barely eat because of the pain? Get a job to lay for them… okay, whatever right?
But I’m not ungrateful for what she’s done, her parents were much worse after all. She’s bought me a few things, she says she owns everything I have but I bought most of it haha.. she bought my bed and puts a roof over my head, she gets me things for holidays and gets me alcohol sometimes. She pays for my college too so I’m not allowed to be ungrateful. I’m not allowed to be because every time I mention one of my issues it’s “well at least your parents remember your birthday, at least your parents didn’t do drugs, etc” but like.. it makes me feel like shit when she doesn’t seem to care.
She recently said I was shit out of luck with getting my psych meds because she’s too busy, once I went a month without one of my medications because of how busy she is. But she’s been too busy for me since I could remember. She’s always been constantly working, even when I ask to spend time with her she’s always too busy. And then if she’s not working she goes out with her boyfriend or on trips or gambling. I get it, it’s hard being a single mother but fuck.. I just feel so worthless. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I a piece of shit for not being as grateful as I should be??