First of all, I apologize for any typos or mistakes. English is not my first language. Secondly, I tend to babble so this post might become longer than expected.
I [18F] recently broke up with my long-distance bf [18M]. Things weren't working out and, despite having been in that relationship for around two and a half years, I decided to break things off because it was getting too hard for me to bear his dismissive behavior. We parted in good terms, although obviously we aren't keeping in contact as much as we did before.
I am not proud to admit that I have been having thoughts about my best friend [18M] for a while even before breaking up with my bf. I have caught myself wondering how things would be if I were in a relationship with him more than once. I tell myself that I have been thinking about this stuff mostly because my bf was absent and spared me very little of his time, but I think there might be more than just abandonment issues or whatever.
My bff and I are very close. We make any kind of jokes, I mean any, and we don't shy away too much from physical touch with each other. And it isn't unusual that, when I hang out with my friends, we all end up at someone's place on the couch snuggling together. We both cuddle with anyone that is sitting beside us, so this is not anything special, but we tend to end up next to each other and I have noticed that he doesn't seem uncomfortable even when I make him lay his head over my chest (although, I must say, there is not much there so maybe that is why he feels at ease) or when I rest my hands over his chest or caress his face.
Moreover, the other day we made a "deal". It is a really weird thing to explain and sounds even weirder. Basically, in exchange for a bite if his meal during breaks (which was something we have been sharing for months) he asked me to choke him when asked to. Yesterday this deal evolved into a mutual thing after I made a comment about not having such "privilege" since I am single. And we actually "fulfilled" the deal once we were at my place, even with another friend of ours laying on the couch with us (she knew about this and about what was going on she and was ok with it).
I need to point out that my bff and I are really sarcastic when taling to each other, so both insult and flirt turn into friendly mockery.
This is a weird situation and I don't know how to interpret my bff's actions. I want to wait some more before making any decisions regarding this matter, as I am fresh out of my first serious relationship and am unsure about how my bff feels about all this. What could I do to try to find out how he feels about our current friendship without being obvious and without risking our friendship?