How do I (25) support my autistic Husband (26) during overstimulating moments?
Hi there!
My husband and I have a 13 month old daughter together. For as long as she has been born I have really been struggling to balance my husband’s needs as an autistic adult and my daughter’s needs. My daughter has been going through a new phase of tantrums because she is not able to communicate her needs or really isn’t able to understand them to begin with as everything is so new. My husband often gets overstimulated and will then get angry at our daughter. We had an incident last week where he pushed our daughter and she fell on the ground because she was screaming and did not want to get her jacket on. He then storms away and hides away in our bed room playing on his phone.
Oftentimes I will be left alone to take care of our daughter without him. I do majority of childcare myself because there is always a reason why he gets overstimulated (daughter is teething, daughter has tantrum, daughter not listening, daughter is distracted and wants to play, etc.) my husband only really wants to acknowledge our daughter when she is in a good mood.
I will admit that I do not know how to navigate this. I am not autistic and I don’t know what to say or do. I have tried to talk to him about this and I’ve tried mentioning therapy but he is very against therapy. Anytime I try mentioning that I feel burned out he gets angry. It escalates to throwing things against the wall, kicking things, breaking things. His anger controls all logic.
He is not a bad person. But I think he himself has a hard time understanding how he really feels and does not have the tools to help himself. How can I help him so we can move forward from this phase? How can I make it so that we are partners and I don’t feel so alone all of the time?
Any advice is welcome. I am not autistic, and I am still learning so please be gentle with any criticisms or advice you have for me. Thank you!