Girlfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago. We broke no contact and started talking again. We were making plans to see each other, we were talking about our future and I was trying to redeem myself for all the things I had not done.
What I didn’t do:
I’m bi, my parents didn’t know and she wanted me to tell them but I kept pushing the date to a later date and she didn’t feel like she could trust me. I would give her a date and I would try but I was scared of being kicked out or just fucking everything up with my family. I’m a grown ass adult. I’m 35 and I live with my parents because I restated my career and don’t get paid enough to live by myself right now. I broke up with her because she wanted to break up with me but she wouldn’t do it. The next day, she broke everything up and went no contact.
I told my parents, I called her and told them how they reacted. To my surprise, they reacted okay, not happy but they weren’t mad at me and I had been so scared…. She broke contact again the next day and we continued. We said we would take our time, not rush anything and not get back together immediately. She wants a family (so do I) but she sees other people have better jobs, a family, a house and she feels like she’s falling behind. We couldn’t move in together because even though I’ve been applying all over, I haven’t been able to find a better paying job (Local Government) and we were fighting a lot.
I feel so lost. I miss her. I love her. I take and took responsibility for everything. She deserves better but damn, why does it hurt so much? I mean there’s so much that happened between us. She says she can’t move on from the fact that I didn’t tell me parents when I told her I would but I told them once I had already lost her. She says she can’t trust me because I lied to her. I didn’t lie… i had already told her I would tell them when I did. Why did she keep saying I didn’t have to tell them yet if that’s not what she truly meant and if she was going to use it against me later? She says I lied because I couldn’t move out and now she’s stuck in this state and still on the same lease… I’m going crazy…
I’m writing this because I don’t want to continue to look at her profiles even though we’ve unfriended and unfollowed each other. F*ck I tried. I stayed. I fought. I wanted this to work… F*ck!