From eating disorder to hookups to FWB in law school — I don't even know what I'm asking
22F with 24M, 2 weeks
High school and college were rough. Eating disorder, body image issues, probably depression. Never had a real relationship. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't face myself.
Came to the US for law school. Something just released. I hooked up with 3 people — one was almost a situationship. It felt like freedom, curiosity, fun. Things I never had.
Then winter hit. Huge loneliness. Realized I was using hookups to deal with stress I didn't know how to handle. What I actually needed was connection, shared taste, simple friendship, or just learning how to relax.
Now pressure is still insane. I ended up with a FWB. He's actually good to me — emotionally supportive, gives career advice, generous. Makes me feel less alone.
But I don't know if this is healing or just a stable band-aid.
I never learned what a healthy relationship looks like. I don't know if I'm capable of one. And I don't know if this FWB is teaching me how to connect, or just teaching me how to settle because I'm too exhausted to ask for more.
I don't even know what my question is. Maybe just: has anyone been here? How did you figure out if someone was good for you, or just showed up at the right (wrong) time?