21M feel like my 22F partner isn’t putting in as much effort as I am
I 21M feel like my 22F partner isn’t putting in as much effort into the relationship as I am. We have been seeing each other 5 months and dating for 3. When we’re together it’s amazing we have a lot of love for each other. We spend time together at least 3 times a week, we have dates every week multiple times a week, and like to do new things. We can talk about anything and everything and the chemistry is there I think. She lives with her parents and I’m over at hers every Sunday for dinner with her family. I live alone and we also spend a decent amount of time at mine as well. She tells me she loves spending time with me and that she loves me a lot and wants a future with me, and it truly seems like she means it. The problem I’m having is that it feels like I’m the one planning all the things we do and making an effort to come see her. I live maybe a 15 minute drive away in a rural suburb to a decently sized city. Because I am new to the country we both live in I haven’t been able to get a car yet. We make do by taking cabs everywhere (which I pay for) so it ends up being fine. Whenever we meet up it’s always me asking if she wants to hang out, she rarely if ever asks me if we have any plans, and when she does it’s because it’s on a day that we usually meet up. There have been a few times where I want to spontaneously add a day to the week we see each other and do something fun and so I do so and she seems to enjoy that, but that never gets reciprocated. When we do have plans and something comes up for her, she also doesn’t really tell me until last minute that it won’t work out and leave me feeling frustrated because I was looking forward to hanging out. Because of the hours I work whenever I come see her it’s always at the expense of either sleep or rest time and it feels like she only sees me because it’s convenient or easy, and doesn’t go out of her way to see me any other time. When it comes to texting as well she’s very bad at responding but has commented on my response time in the past negatively when it has been longer than usual and this is adding to my frustration about her communication. We’ve had conversations about this and she says she’ll try to do better but nothing changes and I don’t really know what to do anymore. Is there anything else I can say to stop feeling frustrated all the time?