M41 with F36 How do I stop becoming passive and overly cautious in a relationship when I used to be naturally decisive?
I’ll try to keep this as clear as possible.
I’m currently in a relationship with my partner of just over a year and half (F36), and overall things are genuinely good between us. I moved into her house and we get on really well.
Early on in the relationship, one of the things she really liked about me was that I was decisive and took control when needed. If something needed sorting or a decision needed making, I’d make the call and deal with it. In previous relationships, that’s always been my natural personality too.
But over time, I feel like I’ve changed into a much more passive version of myself.
To be clear, she hasn’t caused this. She isn’t controlling, manipulative, or difficult. She hasn’t shut me down or made me feel small. This genuinely feels like something happening internally with me.
What I’ve noticed is that in everyday situations, I now hesitate to make decisions because I worry that if it’s not what she wants, she’ll be annoyed, unhappy, or it’ll cause tension. The strange thing is there’s not really evidence this would happen. It’s more like I’ve built this fear in my own head.
What confuses me is that this only seems to apply to day-to-day relationship dynamics. In other areas, especially sexually, I have no issue being dominant, direct, confident, and taking control. That side of me still exists completely naturally.
I do wonder if part of this started because I moved into her home. Before I started contributing financially, I naturally stepped back more because I didn’t feel fully entitled to make decisions in someone else’s house. But now I contribute properly to bills and everything else, yet that mindset seems to have carried over into everyday life in general.
I don’t like feeling passive or overly cautious like this. In past relationships I cared deeply about my partners too, but I never second-guessed myself constantly or worried this much about making the “wrong” decision.
I want to get back to being confident and decisive again without becoming controlling or overbearing.
Has anyone experienced this kind of shift in themselves in a relationship? How do you stop overthinking and rebuild that confidence naturally?
TL;DR: M41 in a good relationship with F36 but feels like he’s become unusually passive and hesitant in everyday situations despite always being decisive and confident in past relationships. Partner hasn’t caused it, but he now worries too much about making decisions she might not like. Wants advice on how to stop overthinking and become more confident again without becoming controlling.