u/AC_1009

I recently posted on here about me and eating and how the thought of it makes me sick due to the calories and considering myself being fat.

A little background

I'm a straight 16M and would consider myself upper middle class, I have both parents, and couple of siblings, a solid friend group.

I feel horrible when im alone, when im with friends I feel happy and joyful but when I leave that setting I feel sad. I dont really talk anymore at school because I used to always get in trouble for talking too much and tend to mind my business unless im with my friends. I take aderal so I often focus on what people say or do, whenever someone says something to me unless I have something else to think about I think about it all day. When I get home I hate looking at myself especially my stomach.

I usually cut whatever I dont like, like my stomach and thighs or whenever I feel down. I get called stuff like soft, pussy, and bitch so I use that to prove something to myself and also just like seeing the lines. It reminds me of hatching which is a shading style I use when drawing.

I think about people around me and think my friends dont really like me and they only talk to me because its convenient. I also hate when my friends are mean to me even as a joke, 99% I brush it off because people are gonna be people, but that 1% gets to me and that's when I start to think they dont like me, when you repeat something over and over to a person eventually they'll start to believe it due to it being frequent.

I haven't dated since March 2025 and dont think im ugly but I also dont think im good looking. I feel like I rely on people to make me happy but I dont know how to be happy unless im talking with another person.

Sometimes I feel like living is a task I have to complete, Every breath, blink, and movement feel like a task. I dont want to and have no plans to die because I have a reachable goal for the future aswell as people that would miss me. But sometimes I just dont feel lovable or even likable. I want a second opinion from my family due to mental illness being common but dont want to ask any of my family, that'd feel selfish of me due to them growing up with worse situations with real causes of depression like abuse.

I honestly just feel stuck in a state of liminality and dont know what to do about my mental.

Either im going to tell my mom due to her being a nurse whos delt with depression or just ignore it and continue until things get better.

I dont want to label what im feeling as depression because I do feel happy sometimes but It could also just be a hormonal issue due to me been a teenager.

A little background

I'm a straight 16M and live a pretty good life and would consider myself upper middle class, I have both parents, and couple of siblings, a solid friend group.

I just dont like seeing myself, im 170lbs and 6ft hate seeing my stomach. I have ADHD and take aderal so I often forget to eat, by the time I feel hungry when my medication wears off I think about what I can eat and get sick to my stomach just thinking about food. In 6th grade I used to be 130 5'1 and always have thought about calories due to people making fun of me for being fat. I think to myself about what I can eat and all that comes to mind is junk. My family has never been "healthy" when it comes to food despite me asking for healthier options. I get so over whelmed with the thought of carbs and calories that I just dont want to eat anymore. My dads always been the guy making jokes but never means them in a hurtful way but he calls me fat constantly. He doesn't mean it literally because he has a gut and always tells me that he just jokes around and that hes a real example of fat and reminds me he loves me. Tho every so often I get called fat by someone at school I just hate that word but what makes it worse is that I think im fat. I ask people around me like my parents and they say that im not fat and have really thinned up and that everything is have is just natural for humans to have. But I hate that response, it makes me feel like im loosing my mind because I can obviously see the fat on me and my stomach, chest and waist.

My dads asked me if needed to get checked for a eating disorder but I refused it due to the fact that a ED is extreme and I dont think I have one.

Please give me your opinions on everything even if its brutally honest.