u/ACTTIIVV

So for starters I only see her every other weekend dude to my busy schedule and I farm full time on a row crop / hay farm and she has a 4 year old in school and she live with her parents, been together for 4 years now and we only have intimacy about 2 time a month because it “hurts or is to dry” now I’m not a female so I wouldn’t know that’s why it’s in quotes but my mind instantly goes to the worse thing is that she might not be sexually attracted to me or getting it from somebody else but every time I ask to or try to seems like a burden and it’s a instant turn off and she know that and anything she does turns me of the slightest brush or anything but she swears it’s not anything of that. Now little more context to why I might think she might not love me is because before we were together she talk to other people before me and i feel like I was the last choice because of how quickly she was talking to different people and the only one left because all the other ones failed and I was the only one to give her the attention and I chased her I am completely different from the last “type” of guy you would say. But sometimes it just feels like I’m not loved or she doesn’t care for my needs says she doesn’t have a high sex drive, she doesn’t look at me like she does other people she doesn’t talk to me like she does other people she talk more like I’m bothering her or annoying her she does t act the same towards me and she does other people she give me the least amount of detail when she tells me anything doesn’t really talk about her emotions or much but yet she tells me she loves me and not with me for my for money for what I have or for what I can provide or my connections because there’s is one of my friends that she acts talk and looks at a certain way and ik he wants nothing o do with her cuz how he reacts but that why I think the way she talk act and looks but there’s multiple people she does it with and that’s just a example but make a long story short I just don’t feel loved or desired or like it’s us feels like it’s a one sided relationship I feel like I’m going insane cuz she just denies and plays everything off until I can’t deal with it and bring it up again to her. I feel like I’m in the wrong here or crazy - side note she doesn’t ask about anything really going on in my life I got a lot going on from being stressed with my dad estate and my alcoholic mother who call me a pice of shit when she drunk call me and being taken advantage of for things I have.