u/ABetterTachankaMain

Hello all

Just wanted to ask if anyone else experiences this and what to do about it. I'd been having really bad insomnia since January of this year, got prescribed Mirtazapin and Quviviq for that and I've been on it for about 3 weeks now.

I'm kind of in the middle of a quarter life crisis at the moment, head running in circles all day long. Went to my doc and got prescribed Mirtazapin + Ambien (only for 2 nights) and then Quviviq for the nights following after that. I take 'em both at the same time maybe 30 minutes to an hour before bed.

Since then, it's like my cognitive function is just slowly getting worse with each day. I feel kind of zombie-ish, I'm always wired but tired, and I'm not really too sure how to handle this?

Anyone else got any tips on dealing with the brainfog? I've gotta therapy appointment coming up next week, my first one with a psychologist, wondering if there's anything I should bring up with my doc?

Title. I think I'm having an existential crisis, just looking at my life up until now and futures ahead.

I'll try and keep this short, I just typed out my whole situation only to find out I accidentally exceeded the 3500 word count. So quick intro, I'm 28 years old, American, semi-recent Master's grad working a job at a grocery story in my neighborhood in Berlin.

At the end of October last year, I went through a break up with my ex of almost 2 years, and then beginning of November my uncle got put into hospice and my Mom got got diagnosed with Alzheimer's. That all hit me like a truck, put life into a different perspective for me.

I had some good friends pick me up during that time, it was hard, but I got through it thanks to them.

I visited my home town, connected with family and friends and that helped lift my spirits, but it was only a temporary escape.

I'm back at work now, trying to keep it together as a cashier. And I'm just slogging through the days. I spoke with my manager about a career at our store with my Master's degree, he likes me and wants to develop me, but noticed a dip in my performance. And so if I'm not able to keep it together behind my register, there's no way I'm capable of taking on a leadership position.

And I'm left with 2 months on my Jobseeker Visa here, and I really want this to work out, but like my brain just won't let me. Nothing feels good anymore. Anything I used to enjoy, skating, gaming, working out, general existence. Nothing. I've got some serious brain fog that fucks me up. Can't focus, can't sleep, I'm always tired.

I've got a therapy appointment coming up at least, but I'm not sure how much progress I can make in just two months. I've got some meds prescribed to help me sleep (Mirtazapin and Quviviq).

And I feel like I'm haunted. I had a pretty bad porn addiction, and all the shit I've seen just keeps replaying in my head and giving me a shit ton of anxiety that I actually got off to that sort of stuff (Quit after the breakup, I've had 2 relapses since, gotta friend as my accountability partner). It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and it sickens me now. Genuinely haunts me when I'm alone.

I spend a lot of my free time now just walking and obsessively looking up different kinds of therapies to "fix me" (Dumb habit, I know). I signed up to volunteer at my local park to help maintain a Schrebergarten there, but I'm genuinely not looking forward to it. I'm just forcing myself because I want to feel something so fucking bad.

And outside of that, I just don't know where to go or what to do. I've just got this void in me and an empty apartment, a racing mind, and genuinely nothing feels good. I call my Mom daily, that helps a bit, but outside of that, I'm just so lost.

I want this dream of working and living here to work out so bad, but my brain just ain't what it used to be. Life feels so dull and pointless, and all I can see in my future is everything just crashing down. I kind of wish I'd just go to sleep and not wake up.